


Shall I Love Thee Better Than As A Brother?

by larienelengasse



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: But Loki Thinks He Is, F/M, Genderbending, Heterosexual Sex, Loki Feels, Loki-centric, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Multi, Odin is dead, Post-Thor: The Dark World, Pregnancy, Shapeshifter Loki, Thor Feels, Thor Is Not Stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-05-12
Packaged: 2018-03-30 04:21:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3922690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larienelengasse/pseuds/larienelengasse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The deaths of Frigga and Loki have transformed the court of the Allfather into a solemn place. Thor struggles to find a way to fill the emptiness left behind after Loki sacrifices himself to save him – until Loki is found out, that is. Reunited with his brother, Thor tries a new approach and unexpected things happen. The future of Asgard and all the Nine Realms depend upon what Thor does next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: sexually explicit homosexual and heterosexual relationships, gender-switching Loki, violence, angst, pregnancy (not MPREG), Loki being Loki, Odin being dead, Thor being Thor, Sif being a bit of a shit, and an unresolved ending.
> 
> Beta Reader: jaiden_s 
> 
> Notes: Takes place after events in The Dark World. Title adapted from the play _Gallathea_ , by John Lyly.

Artwork for this fic done by the magnificent [TowerOawesome](http://toweroawesome.deviantart.com/): 

 

 

_“I’m a fool. I’m a fool. I’m sorry… I didn’t do it for him.”_

 

**Prologue – Loki**

The nature of magic was a mystery to the uninitiated. Even those who practiced the art never really knew its origins. Loki’s power didn’t come from The Casket of Ancient Winters, or Odin’s staff, Gungnir, or even an Infinity Stone. His power came from that which gave those objects their power. His power came from the roots of the universe, from Yggdrasil itself. All living things came from that source. The energy known as life force began there and it stretched far into the immense and unknown space, far past the Nine Worlds and Heimdall’s sight. His mother had once told him this, but at the time he could not see it; therefore, he believed it to be a legend, a story she told him before he went to sleep at night as a child. Now he knew it was true, because now he _saw_ it flowing outward all around him. He moved through it and it flowed through him; he breathed it in, it wrapped around him like a cloak. His body, his very cells were infused with it.

This force connected all living things, but only a rare few could control it or shape it. Odin had that power, as did Frigga, but Thor did not.  Thor’s power was corporeal and spiritual; it was internal. Thor had strength of body, mind, will, and heart. Loki didn’t know why Thor didn’t inherit Odin’s supernatural power. Loki also didn’t understand why he could focus and manifest this energy, why he was even more powerful than Odin or Frigga, but that realization exposed all his past schemes and transgressions as a foolish waste of time. All the time and energy he had spent coveting a throne, needing power, scheming to acquire the Tesseract  . . . those actions amounted to no more than petty games. All along, he had been more powerful than any he knew before him, even more powerful than the Allfather himself. He just hadn’t discovered it until now. He would not go so far as to believe he was invulnerable, certainly not immortal, but there were few he had to worry about.

This knowledge frightened Loki more often than not. He wondered if he were strong enough in purpose, in heart, to wield such power. Sometimes it felt as if it would literally burst through him, tearing his body to pieces as it exploded in a billion points of light. Other times it warmed him, grounded him, and gave him a new purpose. Only the nagging voice in his head stood in the way of all he could be, the voice that was his accuser and his judge all in one. That voice that told him he could never be worthy of such power. It was in those moments that he missed Frigga the most. If only she were still alive, if he could tell her what he had discovered – that he understood now; if only he could tell her what frightened him. She would understand; she would comfort him. She would not be afraid of him.

He sat in the middle of his father’s bed and his mind was projected a dozen places at once:

He saw the Chitauri as a black void of envy, hate and destruction; he felt the all-consuming lust The Other felt for Death and it chilled him to his core.

He saw Thor’s friends in all their human physical frailty. Even The Captain was weak compared to him. Yet they were strong in spirit and humbled by duty and honor – well, maybe not Stark, but the others were. The humans were children compared to the Æsir or to the Jötunn, of this he was certain, but they possessed a type of naïve nobility. They had potential, he supposed, and Thor was always attracted to potential.

He saw Jötunheim, cold and bleak, ruined, the manifestation of envy and greed and lust for power. Such hatred emanated from that place and he wondered if that was where all the darkness inside him came from. Was he as he was because of his lineage?

And in Asgard, he saw Thor, weighed down by grief and loneliness and shackled by duty. He reluctantly admitted to himself that he had played a large part in breaking Thor and he did not know how to repair the damage. It would be easiest if Thor would just hate him – that would restore his one-time brother’s fiery nature, give it a focus. It would help Loki not love him so much. But Loki feared that if everything he had done thus far had not caused that to happen, nothing ever would. And secretly he was afraid that he would never deserve Thor’s love and devotion, and therefore always hate himself. There was a part of him that knew that he would always be his own worst enemy in that regard.

He opened his eyes and looked around his father’s bedchamber. He could still see traces of Odin and Frigga there. Now that they were gone, all that was left was the imprint they had made on the world around them. He had to swallow unshed tears when he thought of Frigga and her warm smile, her brilliance, her wicked sense of humor, her gentle caress and comforting embrace. She was the only one who had ever understood him. Now, he was alone.

“Time to be King,” he murmured. He felt each particle of his body changing, coming apart and back together in a different form. He transformed, taking Odin’s shape before leaving the bedchamber.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Prologue – Thor**

Thor swallowed and closed his eyes as he stood in Loki’s empty room. It was just as Loki had left it years ago, strewn with tomes on magic, scrolls of poetry, and jars and phials of the gods knew what. Thor was weighed down by grief as he sat on the rug where he and Loki once played as children. The sky grew pink with the oncoming of the day and as beautiful as it was, it made him weary.

He spent more and more time in Loki’s old room as the years drew ever onward, and the longer he was without his brother, the more hollow and aged he felt. He had tried running away from it, spending more time on Midgard with his friends, but that had not worked. He had come to realize that in one way or the other he had always defined himself in terms of Loki: as a brother, an adversary, a friend, a victim; and now it felt like part of him was missing.

He knew that no one, particularly his human friends, understood how he could continue to love Loki after all that his brother had done. They called Loki many things: Silvertongue, the Mischief-Maker, the Sly God, the Trickster, talented liar, the Conqueror, Bringer of Woe, and Stark’s favorite: Reindeer Games – though that one did bring a slight smile to Thor’s lips. Loki was many things to many people, most of them not good, but to Thor, Loki would always be his beloved little brother, his other half, regardless of parentage.

He caressed an aged scroll in his hand. He had found it lying long forgotten under books, the ragged edge just peeking out from underneath tomes on magic and nature, and it seemed to call to him to touch it. The scroll was old, inscribed with a child’s writing. It was a poem about Asgard, written by Loki when he was still young and still loved his homeland, before everything started to change and Loki withdrew into himself. Thor swallowed a lump in his throat. He remembered how pleased Frigga had been when Loki read it to her, and how he had teased his little brother about it – about how he was better at wielding a pen than a sword, that poets didn’t become kings. Thor would give anything now to have that moment back, for that was the beginning of the end of Loki’s innocence. Thor had been no more than a boy himself at the time, but he wished he had understood then what he knew now. He would pay any price to relive those days; to be the brother he should have been – to watch Loki grow into a true Prince of Asgard, ruling by his side. It mattered not that he was only a child himself when he spoke those words; he felt in his heart he should have known better.

Thor would never know what had happened to Loki after he fell into the abyss, but the Loki he had seen on Midgard was not the Loki he had always known.  Loki appeared sickly, with dark circles beneath red-rimmed, glassy eyes. That Loki was a shadow; he was a mad, feral, faded frightening image of the brother Thor had loved all his life, and he had been possessed with an irrational lust for power. Frigga told Thor that in the years of Loki’s imprisonment on Asgard, he had slowly begun to act like himself. Yet, resentment and hatred still poisoned the brother’s relationship. Then came what happened on Svartalfheim…

Thor hadn’t known it would happen then, but Loki’s sacrifice was the death knell to Thor’s relationship with Jane. He still cared about Jane and he wished her well, but the loss of both his mother and his brother broke him into pieces. There was nothing left of him but grief and a resignation to his duty, and he was unable to share that with anyone who would understand. Jane didn’t know Loki the way he did. No one did. It hadn’t happened right away for Jane; it took a few years, which in an Æsir’s life was but a blink of an eye, but the day came when Thor could no longer look into her eyes without feeling that hole that Loki’s death left in him grow larger, and that she could not, and did not, share his grief made it worse.

In the end, Loki had done as he asked. Loki had protected Jane instead of leaving her to her fate, and Loki had fought to help him stop Malekith. And then he died. Loki was dead because of him. All Thor wanted was another chance with Loki, and it pained him beyond measure to know he’d never get it.

Thor knew he would always be haunted by the unguarded look upon Loki’s face as he died, by Loki’s soft-spoken words of regret and the proclamation that came too late. In his last moments, Loki was himself again, and for far, far too short a time Thor held the brother he loved in his arms. Then Loki was gone.

His father would chide him for being womanly for wallowing in grief as he did, but grief and anger seemed to be the only emotions Thor had left. Dawn broke as light flooded Loki’s room, and he watched the dust dance upon the warming currents of air. If he stared hard enough, he could almost find patterns in them. For a moment before Thor rose to his feet, he swore he felt a comforting hand upon his shoulder and heard Loki’s soft, deep voice in his ear, but he was alone. He took one last look around and then he left, closing the door behind him. He took a deep breath and departed for the court and his duties as Odin’s only heir.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Chapter One**

Thor stood silently as the Allfather dismissed the emissary from Jötunheim with a bit more disdain than he was accustomed to seeing Odin reveal. Thor wondered if the loss of Loki was a part of it. Relations between the two realms had always been tenuous, but things were taking a dark turn after Loki killed Laufey on Asgardian soil and nearly ripped Jötunheim apart with the Bifrost. His own ill conceived visit before those events hadn’t helped either. Thor could tell that the emissary remembered him from that visit, and likely from the beating he gave him. The Jötunn’s red eyes burned into Thor as he entered the throne room. Thor feared that war was once again on the horizon. But for the moment, Jötunheim was dependent upon Asgard for help, so they resigned themselves to feigning respect.

The Jötunn half-sneered/half-smiled, and bowed, and then left, escorted from the court by a dozen Asgardian soldiers led by Thor. Thor thanked the gods that the giant wasn’t stupid enough to bring up Loki; if he had, war might have started right then and there, because Thor would not abide one word about his brother coming from that monster. Those followers that Laufey left behind were not worthy to speak Loki’s name. Laufey had left an innocent babe to die alone. Laufey was a monster, and Loki was the one who had killed him. Loki was not of that race of monsters, no matter how much he had claimed to be 

He didn’t wish war, but he didn’t wish friendship either. Asgard and Jötunheim needed to keep the uneasy peace between them, but that didn’t mean that Thor had to like it. Heimdall closed the Bifrost, and Thor took to the air, preferring to fly back to the palace.

If Thor was a damaged version of his former self, the Allfather was worse. While the nobles of the court attributed Odin’s foul temper and wish to be alone to Frigga’s passing and to the death of Loki, Thor knew there had to be more to it. He knew how grief transformed a person, but this was different. 

Thor was rarely alone with his father since he defeated Malekith and returned from Midgard, and even despite their differences they had once been close. Odin had accepted his apology for his disobedience and had also accepted his refusal of the throne in an uncharacteristically gentle fashion, offering no argument. Thor understood the ramifications of refusing kingship. When Odin died, and he would sooner than Thor would like, the future of the nine realms would be uncertain. Who would then lead?

While Odin had been gentle with his son, Thor’s accomplices had not suffered so kind a fate, though admittedly it could have been much worse. Sent in separate directions, Odin had scattered Sif and the Warriors Three. Sif was sent to Alfheim where she would languish without the heat of battle and Thor to keep her interest; Fandral to Nidavellir, where he had no beautiful women to woo; and Hogun was remanded to his home of Vanaheim where he was demoted to an ordinary peacekeeper. Only Volstagg was allowed to remain in Asgard, as he had a family, but he was banished from the court and Thor’s presence. Thor was allowed to travel freely between Midgard and Asgard so that he could maintain his friendships with the humans, but he was forbidden to visit his other friends, and Odin would not hear him on that account, no matter how earnestly Thor pleaded their cases.

Odin often refused his company, feigning weariness or finding some other excuse, and this saddened Thor greatly. All they had left was each other. It was this singular thought that occupied Thor’s mind as he guided Mjolnir to his father’s balcony, slipping in through the window before approaching Odin’s bedchamber. He knew Odin would not be pleased when he arrived uninvited, but it seemed he would have to force the conversation if it was going to happen at all.

What he found struck him dumb.

Loki was standing at the foot of Odin’s bed, holding Gungnir in his hand. He wore his customary garments, his quite hale form wrapped in black leather, green suede, and golden metal. He was just as Thor remembered him that last day: hair cascading down his back like a wild, black mane; shoulders broad, arms and legs and hands leanly muscled. He looked every inch the awe-inspiring, fear-inducing king that Thor had imagined he would be. He wondered if he were going mad, if the heartbreak of losing and missing Loki were causing him to see visions.

Loki froze where he stood. He could feel Thor’s gaze burning into his back like hot coals. Thor was one of only three in the known universe that could sneak up on him; the others being Frigga and the human known as The Black Widow. Thor was the only one in Asgard that could destroy him now that Odin was gone, so having his brother come upon him unawares was definitely cause for worry. His mind raced, quickly coming up with acerbic quips and stinging accusations, smooth and practiced lies and excuses, waiting for Thor to speak the first word so he would know which to choose.

“How long?” was all Thor asked.

Loki turned slowly, nimble fingers loosely wrapped around Gungnir as he faced Thor. He was ready for a fight. “Is that all you have to say, Thor? No, ‘hello, Brother’? No joy upon seeing me among the living? No threats or accusations?”

Thor swallowed as those ice blue eyes bored into him. “How long have you been masquerading as Father?” he asked.

Loki couldn’t get used to hearing and seeing Thor this way – worn down by grief and disappointment and loss. But he wouldn’t be lulled into a false sense of security by his one-time brother’s currently muted attitude, no matter how much it made his heart ache.

“Since shortly after our little misadventure on Svartalfheim.” He leaned forward slightly. “I cannot tell. Are you pleased or disappointed to see that I did not die after all?”

“I have been grieving you for years and all this time you have been alive. Has it been a good show for you, Loki?”

Loki frowned. “If you mean to imply that I enjoy seeing you in pain, no. But if you expect that I would trust you to leave me free to rule… well, then you really do not know me at all.”

“Is Father dead?” Thor asked, Mjolnir hanging still at his side.

Loki swallowed and blinked. He watched Thor carefully for any sign of life other than the weary expression and quiet way he spoke. This was not the Thor he had by turns loved and hated all his life. He could see that his brother would not be baited into an argument. “Yes.”

“Was it you then, that heard my tale of your death, that bore witness to my grief, and honored my wish to deny the throne?”

“It was. I have been meaning to thank you for that last matter, but then I would have been exposed, and there is that little matter of not being able to trust you.”

“Speak you of trust?” Thor began, then he fell silent and looked at the floor.

He regarded Thor cautiously, as if he were regarding a wild animal. Thor was dangerous, of this Loki had no doubt, but he could not stop himself from goading and poking the dangerous creature.

“You spoke of me in such a loving manner that I nearly believed you meant it.” He cocked his head and took a cautious step forward, trying to look into Thor’s eyes, trying to discern what exactly the Thunder God was thinking or feeling. “Are you not going to ask me? 

“Would you tell me the truth?” Thor asked.

“Would you know it if you heard it?”

“Ai, Brother. I know not what I should think or believe anymore.”

Loki sighed. He was losing interest in the game. It wasn’t fun if Thor didn’t play his part. “The Allfather was dead shortly after my return. It was not by my hand, in case you are wondering.”

“Tell me.” Thor sat down heavily, Mjolnir clanking upon the stone floor at his feet.

Loki remained standing, still holding Gungnir. “I came in the guise of one of his warriors and I told him I found my remains.” Loki felt conflicted when he thought of the moment; he had been unprepared for the genuine grief he saw in Odin’s eyes. Or maybe it was just guilt. He preferred to believe the latter. “He said my name, nodded once and left the throne. I found him a short time later, dead upon the floor in his bedchamber. There was no evidence of harm. I think he just . . . gave up. 

“The loss of mother was a severe blow,” Thor said quietly, studying the veins in the stone beneath his booted feet. “It seems he could not bear the loss of you, too.”

Loki huffed out a laugh. “Grief, relief, it was admittedly hard to tell.” It was the lie he preferred to tell himself.

“He loved you, Loki. As do I, despite what you persist in believing.”

“To him, I was a means to an end. To you, I am a fantasy.” Loki said. “This is where you blame me for his death then, is it not?”

“I do not blame you for his death. As for this . . . lie, I blame myself as much as I blame anyone. I feel I have driven you to these ends.”

Loki narrowed his eyes, his lips pulled into a thin line. “And what ends would those be, Thor?” he asked, ready for one of his one-time brother’s tiresome speeches about honor.

“Father and . . . mother both paved the road you have travelled when they hid the truth of your birth from you, but it is I that have driven you down it with all of my teasing and criticism. 

“Oh, really?” Loki asked, rolling his eyes, as he stood straighter than before. “Can I not even take credit for my own misdeeds? Or am I, in this as in all things, lacking? Can I not even be a proper villain?”

Thor shot a heated glance at Loki. “You bear the responsibility for the crimes you committed here and on Midgard. Do not twist that back upon me,” he growled.

Loki smirked. There was the tiresomely self-righteous brother he knew. “Did you not just say that you drove me down this road?”

“I…” Thor’s fists clenched and relaxed. He could never win a battle of words with Loki.  “I should have been a better brother. If I had been, then you would not have gone to the lengths that began this sad chain of events . . . you would not have committed such heinous acts.”

“Indeed, you should have been a better brother.” Loki glared. “But one man’s crimes are another’s calling, Thor. Am I not a god of mischief? Have I not always delighted in causing trouble? I was only giving truth to the lie I have been told all my life–”

“That you were born to be king? What kind of king murders his own subjects? How many lives did you take on Midgard?”

“Kingship comes only two ways, Thor. It comes through lineage or through conquering a lesser people. Once I had claimed mastery they would have seen that I only wanted to be a benevolent–”

“Save me your speeches, Loki. I have heard them all before. As ever you take truth and bend it to your own purposes.” Thor swallowed. “But for my own part in this…” he made a sweeping gesture with his hand “… sad story. It is no excuse, but I was ignorant of how you felt, and I was ignorant of the ways in which power corrupts. I was ignorant of the . . . burden of kingship. In the throne, I only saw the opportunity for more glory.” He looked up at Loki. “I see now that you were right in that I was not prepared. That I should have more often heeded your advice, but, Loki, the way you went about making your point– 

“Is this where you lecture me about the bad choices I have made? Really, Thor. Do you not know a lost cause when you see one?”

“Do not say such!” Thor shouted as he took to his feet. “You will never be lost to me.”

Loki waived his hand over the doors as they opened. The guards had come in response to the sounds of the shouting brothers. As Loki worked his magic, they blinked slowly, and then went back the way they came.

Once the doors closed, Loki laughed bitterly. “Oh, you sentimental fool. Still holding on to the dream of the boy I once was. Only, I never really was that boy was I?”

“You were. Who sired you has nothing to do with who I know you to be!” Thor shouted.

The gods bless the dim-witted fool, Loki thought. He ever holds on to hope. “And who is that, Thor?” Loki said with a menacing smirk. “Your faithful puppy, always at your heels? There for you to stroke lovingly one moment and kick the next?” He began to tremble with rage and frustration. “And who are you to tell me who I should be?! You have been doing that all my life and look where it has got you! 

“I do not want to fight, Brother,” Thor said, his tone softer.

“I am not your brother!” Loki shouted.

Thor closed the distance between him and Loki in one stride, placing his hands upon Loki’s shoulders. It was a risk, because Loki was deadly dangerous when he was in a rage, and at that particular moment, he held a very powerful weapon. He could not help but notice how Loki recoiled just before his hands found their purchase. He gave Loki’s shoulders a gentle squeeze 

“I am glad you are alive, even if your lie caused me pain.” Loki uttered a mirthless laugh and began to speak, but Thor continued, “My heart broke on Svartalfheim, Brother. I have missed you, so much. I thought you died saving my life.” He placed his hand on the back of Loki’s neck in a familiar gesture, his thumb caressing the soft skin behind Loki’s ear and he saw Loki’s defenses lower a bit as his eyes closed. Thor drew Loki into an embrace and held him tight, despite the fact that Loki did not return the gesture 

“It was not a lie,” Loki said quietly.

Thor pulled back and looked at him. He still gently held Loki by the neck. “What do you mean?”

“I died, I think. I am not really sure, to be honest. I remember your face, you were weeping and screaming, and I felt so much pain. It felt as if something were eating me from the inside out.” He laughed hollowly. “Don’t believe the old tales, Thor. There is no glory in death, only pain and darkness.” He shook his head slightly and continued: “The pain faded and for a moment, I felt like . . . I was…” he sighed, struggling for the right words. “… it felt like when I project my mind across a distance, only I could see myself lying in your arms. I think I was beginning to transform to my native state; I could see my flesh beginning to turn color. Then everything went black. When I awoke, you and the Foster woman were gone and I was alone.”

“You were run clean through. How…”

“I am Jötunn, Thor. It appears I can survive more than even an Asgardian. This ability to cheat death may come in handy more than once.” He offered a weak smile.

“So when you said those things . . . when you said you were sorry, that you did it for me, you thought you were dying.”

“I never said I did it for you. I only said I didn’t do it for him.”

“So who did you it for?” Thor chased Loki’s darting gaze with his own.

Loki wouldn’t look at him. “I did it for Mother,” he said quietly.

Thor smiled “You could have let that thing kill me.”

Loki sighed. “It was taking a God’s age because you never know when you are beaten. You couldn’t just die and get it over with.”

“You could have let Jane die.”

“I wasn’t in the mood for fighting with you again.”

“It is funny…”

“What?” Loki asked, looking back up at Thor.

“Normally, you’re such a good liar.” He crushed Loki against him. “You did it for Mother, but you also did it for me. I knew you could not be lost to me.”

Loki struggled to push Thor off to no avail. “Oh, do shut up.” He glared at Thor as his brother released him and took a step back. Thor shook his head as he chuckled.

“What now?” Loki asked, one hand still upon Gungnir and the other hanging down by his side.

“I do not know,” Thor answered, his expression turning serious as he looked thoughtfully at his brother. Memories of that day on Svartalfheim had turned his mood dour.

“Will you expose me? Or will you allow me to continue to rule?”

“I do not know. I need time to think.”

Loki smirked. “Thinking is not exactly your strong suit, Thor.” He tightened his grip on Gungnir. “I will not be imprisoned.” He turned his back to Thor and walked a few steps away before looking back at him. “Either you keep my secret or you had better kill me, because I have made powerful enemies. Should word get out that I am still alive . . . then there is nowhere they will not come for me. Asgard will fall to destruction.”

“You mean the Chitauri.”

“Among others,” Loki said quietly.

Thor thought he saw fear in his brother’s eyes. “There has been enough death,” Thor said, “and I shall not lose you again, Loki.”

Loki still could not really believe that Thor loved him the way he needed to be loved.

“It is astounding how well you have convinced yourself that you care,” he spat. “I only ever was something low you could compare yourself to in order to rise so high. The Mighty Thor, Odinson, Heir to the Throne of Asgard. Golden, strong, brave…” Loki’s voice trailed off. He was revealing too much.

“Loki, please. I know I have hurt you; but I swear I shan’t do it again. I have been unfair to you, but to be honest you have, more often than not, earned my ire. You are not entirely innocent here.”

Loki laughed hollowly. “You can’t understand what it is like to never measure up no matter how hard you try. You, Odin’s proud warrior, could never know what it is like to be told you were born to be a king then treated as a second son, never good enough!” He turned his back so that Thor couldn’t see the pain in his eyes. “All I ever wanted was to be your equal, to be respected, to be…”

“Loved?”

Loki wheeled on Thor. “What do you know of the true nature of love, Thor?! You who always had the admiration of our entire race of people? You take love for granted! You know nothing of true love. The only one who ever loved me was Mother, and she died alone because you had me locked away! I never got to hold her, to tell her that I was sorry…”

Thor swallowed and resisted the urge to reach out to Loki. He would never be receptive in this state. He looked at the floor. “I am sorry, Brother.”

“I am not your brother. You really should accept that.” Venom laced every word that came from Loki’s lips.

“But I love you nonetheless,” Thor said quietly. It felt like his chest was going to cave in. He looked back at Loki and he took a deep breath. “I know you do not grieve Father’s loss as I do, but will you give me leave to see him? Where is his body?”

Some of the tension left Loki’s frame. “I burned him,” he said quietly. “I am not so cruel as to deny him swift passage to the afterlife, despite what he did to me, or what others may think.”

Thor nodded. “It is right that you should have done such. Thank you, Loki.” He turned to pick up Mjolnir.

“I can show you, if you like,” Loki said softly. “I can take you to the site of the pyre.” Despite his anger, Loki didn’t want Thor to know what it felt like to not have a final moment with a loved one, or to say a final farewell. He didn’t want Thor to have the regrets about Odin’s death that he had about Frigga’s.

Thor turned and smiled sadly. “Yes, I would like that very much.”

“Tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow,” Thor answered and he left the way he came.

He knew that Loki was just as apt to try to kill him as to honor his promise, and as long as Loki was in possession of Gungnir, he was quite capable of doing it. Loki had done many things that Thor once would never have believed him to be capable. He loved his brother as much as he had loved anyone in his life, and it pained him to know that he could not trust him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki watched the gathering clouds in the sky. Thor was troubled, that much was obvious. He was surprised that Thor hadn’t lashed out, hadn’t lectured him or threatened him, or worse. He was grateful for that.

He still was not sure if it came down to it that he could kill Thor. Dropping him from Shield’s flying fortress had been the closest he had come, and even then he had suspected that Thor would escape death. Everything else – every other wound he had dished out had been far from mortal to an Æsir. There had been times he had imagined it, but actually doing it, seeing it through . . . that was something else altogether.

No one knew how powerful he had become, not his enemies, and especially not Thor. The Loki these simpering Asgardians remembered was but a boy who only knew how to cast illusions and hide himself. They had no idea what he had become in the years since. His power was as much a part of himself as his blood, as sinew and bone. It would take a legion of warriors to kill him. He could rain destruction down upon this realm, tear it apart, raze it to the ground and leave nothing behind but ash.

He shook his head. Keeping those dark thoughts at bay grew more and more difficult since Frigga’s death. Loneliness took him to dark places in his mind.

Thor claimed to love him, but Loki couldn’t really believe it. Thor was ignorant about love. Thor only understood pride, duty, and war; he only loved when it was easy to do. He didn’t want to love Thor, and the gods knew he had tried not to. Even when Thor was tedious, loud, brash, vain, cruel, and painfully boring, Loki still loved him. He loved Thor’s smile, his blue eyes, his deep voice, his husky laugh, the feel of his strong hands and close embrace. He loved how Thor would sacrifice himself for those he loved and how he looked at those he respected. To be respected by Thor was a privilege.

Loki hated the way his eyes burned as tears threatened to fall. He hated how frustratingly constant Thor was in his version of love and his loyalty. He grew angry when he couldn’t make Thor stop loving him – and when he realized that Thor would never love him the way he needed him to.

Maybe it would be better if Thor were dead, at least then he could move on. Or could he?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The starlight filtered into the bedchamber through an open window. Thor moved silently in his bare feet across the room toward the bed. Loki slept in the middle of it, his chest rising and falling; his face was the perfect picture of peaceful innocence. To see him so at ease, one would never know that he was capable of creating such chaos.

Thor watched him for a while, wondering why Loki maintained this familiar appearance even in sleep, rather than shift into his native Jötunn form. He wondered if this form felt more real to Loki, even when Loki despised the lie from which it was born. He had never thought to ask Loki when he first shifted. Was it when their . . . his father held Loki for the first time? Was that first shift an instinct to mirror what he saw? Was it merely unconscious self-preservation? It must have been, for Thor could not ever remember seeing Loki as anything other than this. Even now, he had no idea what Loki looked like in his natural state. The closest he had come was watching Loki’s skin change hue when he died, and even then the transformation hadn’t been complete. Thor had so many questions without answers – there had not been time to speak with Loki about the truth of his parentage when he found him on Midgard. Though he wondered how fruitful those conversations could have been. And then everything that came after . . . well, there was much he needed to learn 

A very loud voice in Thor’s head told him that this charade of Loki’s could not stand; that it was a poison that would infect the very land. He feared he would have to kill Loki, for that would be a mercy compared to leaving him to languish and fade in the depths of Asgard’s dungeons; or worse yet, let him fall into the hands of his enemies. He should have understood when Loki asked for death from the Allfather rather than solitary confinement, that it would have been better. But all he could do was wish his brother alive for his own selfish reasons, and apparently Odin had reasons of his own for keeping Loki alive.

Perhaps Odin believed that time alone, time for Loki to contemplate what he had done, would bring him back around and return his mind to its correct state. Thor had hoped for the same, but he had been too cowardly, too angry, and too grieved and betrayed to visit before he enlisted Loki’s help in avenging their mother and protecting Asgard. Truth was he could not bear the vitriol that so easily rolled forth from Loki’s tongue and the hate he saw in his brother’s eyes. Those things pained him more than any wound he had ever suffered in battle.

When it came down to it, Thor knew he would not kill Loki. Because, even after everything his brother had done, after all the lies and betrayal, Thor still loved him. Loki was right; he was a fool. Sif would gladly kill Loki, Hogun as well, but neither possessed the strength or the skill, as good as they were. In truth, not even the Warrior’s Three and Sif combined could manage it, for what Loki lacked in brute strength he more than made up for with cunning and magic, and despite what his friends believed, Loki was a warrior in his own way. That much had been proved on Svartalfheim. Only Thor was strong enough, only he could wield the weapon that could end Loki’s life, and he understood the irony in that. He wondered if somehow, his father had known that when he gave Mjolnir to him.

He sat gently down on the edge of the bed and stared out the window at the night sky. He heard the change in Loki’s breathing and felt the bed shift as his brother sat up.

“Thor?”

Thor closed his eyes. Just the sound of Loki’s voice brought so much comfort to his grieved heart. “I could not sleep.”

“I see that.” Loki spied Mjolnir sitting on a table by the window. It was not in reach, but that meant little as the hammer came quickly at Thor’s call. “You came in through the window?”

“Yes. I would rather not explain why I am visiting my father’s bedchamber in the middle of the night.”

“Understandable.” Loki studied Thor’s back, how his shoulders rounded as if his own weight was too much to bear. Thor wore only the loose, thin trousers he preferred to sleep in. With his eyes, Loki mapped the faded scars from battles too numerous to count upon Thor’s bare back, and he wondered when Thor first understood that his life would be bathed in pain, blood, and sacrifice.

“When is a lie good, Loki?” Thor asked, still gazing at the stars.

Loki answered without thinking. “When it is close to the truth, or when it is what one wants to hear.”

“You mistake me. When is it good to lie?”

“When telling the truth brings more pain than the lie, or when lying achieves what the truth cannot.”

“And no one knows more about lying than you.” Loki huffed, but Thor stopped his brother’s stinging retort. “I mean that you understand the difference.”

Loki frowned. “What difference?”

“Between when it is better to lie and when it is better to tell the truth.”

“Yes. Your point, Thor?”

Thor turned and faced Loki. Loki swallowed as he saw the pain and heartbreak in Thor’s eyes. He once again failed to bring that part of him to heel that still loved Thor more than anything in the wide universe, which still only felt awe and admiration every time he looked at him. That same part had given birth to how inadequate he always felt next to Thor, and that was where the hate had first taken root. But in that moment, Thor did what he rarely ever did – he bore his heart on his sleeve to Loki; he showed Loki vulnerability – and this inspired Loki to be uncharacteristically kind.

“You masquerade as Father to spare the realm the pain of the loss of their king,” Thor said.

Loki frowned. He felt like he was about to walk into a verbal trap, but his singular belief that he would always be smarter than Thor kept him from turning back.  “That is the lie you tell yourself, yes,” he said evenly.

“Tell me the truth.”

“Even though it would hurt you?”

“When has the thought of hurting me ever stopped you from doing what you want?” Thor asked.

Loki swallowed. “Fair enough. I masquerade as the Allfather because it gives me what I want.”

“Which is?”

“The throne, a kingship, my birthright.” He did not finish the rest of his thought. It was too soon for that much truth and he couldn’t risk letting Thor in just yet.

“Do you not get what you want while giving the Nine Realms the peace and security that they need?”

“I had not thought of that, but I suppose you are right.”

“So the lie spares billions pain.”

“Unintentional benefit.”

“By your word, the lie is a good lie because of the result.”

Loki frowned. “Yes.”

“Then Father’s lie was a good lie.”

There it was. And he had walked right into it.

“By lying he stole my identity from me, Thor.” It took all the self-control he had not to wring the thickheaded Æsir’s neck. The only thing that kept him from shouting at the top of his lungs in frustration was once again dealing with the guards that were positioned a short distance outside of his residence.

“But it spared you pain. It spared you the pain of how others would have treated you, mistrusted you, and disliked you because of how you were born.”

Thor’s expression and his tone were so earnest that it enraged Loki. How could Thor be so incredibly, willfully stupid and blind? He threw back the covers and scrambled to his knees, grasping Thor by the hair and viciously throwing him to his back before straddling him. Thor did not resist; he was as passive as a maid. As Loki leaned down and glared at his brother, he took Jötunn form, leaving only his hands unchanged so as not to injure Thor. While the Jötunn could control when and how badly they burned their victims, Loki was not sure if he could control it so well, as angry as he was.

His lips curled into a snarl and he growled, “But it didn’t, did it? Sif, Hogun, Fandral, Volstagg, even you treated me as if I were something to be cast aside, to be laughed at, to be mistrusted and hated!”

Thor swallowed and fought the urge to fight back. Even in Loki’s native form, with blue eyes changed to red and pale skin turned deep blue, a form that pricked Thor’s deepest warrior instincts, he still saw his brother’s likeness. Loki’s words wounded him deeply, because they were in part true. He could not recall when Loki went from being his best friend, the one he wanted to spend time with the most, to an annoying little brother that did not fit in with his warrior friends. He wondered if somehow, all along, he had known that Loki truly was different in this way. “I never hated you, Loki. Even you must know that to be true.”

“Did you defend me against their jibes and accusations? Did you ever once take my side over theirs?”

“No,” Thor said quietly. The truth _was_ more painful than lying. “And I should have. You are my brother, I–”

“I am NOT YOUR BROTHER!” Loki growled. “Look at me! I am a monster.”

Thor wrenched one of his hands free and touched Loki’s face. He gritted his teeth when it burned him. “You are not a monster,” he said in a strained voice.

“Fool!” Loki hissed, quickly changing back to his familiar form and grasping Thor’s wrist. “Look what you have done to yourself. You know better.”

Thor’s hand was burned black and he shook with the pain. “I will be fine,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Yes, you shall be,” Loki murmured, his fingertips ghosting over the ruined flesh of Thor’s hand.

Thor’s breath hitched as sparkling warmth flooded through his hand and up his arm. The color of his skin returned to normal and the pain disappeared. Loki’s touch was so gentle; all the hate was gone from his eyes, his voice so soft that it struck a longing deep in Thor’s heart for gentler, simpler times. “When did you learn to do that?” he asked quietly.

“A while back,” Loki answered, all of the anger having left him. “It is not so difficult.” He huffed. “You are so painfully ignorant of the ways of the universe, Thor.”

Loki looked at his idiot brother who had just maimed himself to make a point. He knew then that Thor would never stop trying to reach what he had buried so deep. What Thor would never understand was that he had to bury that version of himself in order to survive; it was simply a matter of self-defense. “You should not care for me,” he said, moving aside and falling to his back on the bed. He covered his eyes with his arm. “It shan’t end well.”

“I do many things I should not do. Surely this is not new knowledge.”

Loki laughed but the sound was hollow.

Thor rolled to his side and propped himself up on one arm. He smiled sadly and picked at the coverlet. “I know you did not kill Father. Though I am sure there was a part of you that wanted to.”

“He would have banished you again upon your return, or worse, you know. Do you think those warriors he sent after us were firing warning shots? You did not want to see what he was like after Mother… We are lucky we made it out of Asgard alive. You committed treason, Thor. For the second time. He would have executed both of us.”

“I know. But it was worth it.”

“Oh, really,” Loki asked as he dropped his arm and looked at Thor. His tone dripped with sarcasm.

Thor smiled sadly. “Yes.”

“I suppose it was worth it to save your simpering Jane and your precious Midgard. Was it worth me dying?”

“You didn’t die.”

“Something you have just now learned. No doubt you believe that her life is worth more than mine. You do love her, do you not?”

“Jane and I are . . . I will always care about her but we are not meant to be.” Thor laid his hand upon Loki’s shoulder. “Nothing is worth your death. You know how much I’ve grieved – you’ve seen it. But Loki, it made you remember. It made me remember.”

“Remember what?”

“What it is like to be on the same side, to stand together. I want us to be on the same side, Loki. I want it more than anything.”

Loki narrowed his eyes. “Then you must go along with the lie.”

On the one hand, it felt like a sudden realization, but Thor also knew it was the only answer he could ever give. “I will.”

Loki propped himself up on his elbows. “You will?” This was too easy.

“I will. But Loki, I cannot allow you to use the throne to cause harm. As long as you keep the peace as you have done thus far, as long as Asgard and the Nine Realms are protected, I will do anything you ask of me.”

“You will allow me to rule even you?” Loki could hardly believe that was the case.

“You are my king. But you must also allow Sif, Hogun, and Fandral to come home. You know there are dark stirrings within the Nine Realms. We will need them before all is done.”

“And if I do not meet your terms?”

“Then I shall bring an end to this, even if that means killing you. No doubt I will follow soon after, for losing you twice was enough. There are many ways to die in battle, and I will not grieve you a third time.”

Loki swallowed. Thor never could see where between the two of them one began and the other ended. He wondered if he would ever remember what that felt like, or if too much had happened to change it for him. “I will cause trouble, you know this.

“It is in your nature, and if I am to say that I love you, Brother, then I must love all of you, even those parts that drive me to distraction. As long as no one truly suffers by your hand, I shall not keep you from being who you are.”

“Why?”

Thor sat up and swung his legs off the bed. “You know why,” he answered as he gained his feet, crossing the room and grasping Mjolnir.

“Because you feel guilty,” Loki called after him.

“Because I love you,” Thor answered, and then he took to the sky and left Loki alone with his thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thor looked at the pile of ashes that once was the bodily form of Odin Borson, his king, his father, and his sometime adversary. It was so strange to see so powerful, so formidable, so strong a figure reduced to so much ash. A cold, seeping melancholy sunk deep into his bones. He had lost so much, suffered so much, that he could barely summon the energy to feel anything at all. Frigga had been the one who understood Loki, and Odin had been the one who understood him. Now they were both without that reassurance, without that one person who loved and accepted and understood without hesitation. They were both orphans. All they had was each other and they felt worlds apart.

Loki stood beside him in his own form rather than Odin’s, Gungnir in his grip, looking up at the sky. They were far from the city and they were alone, shrouded from Heimdall’s sight. Since Frigga’s death, Thor had come to realize many things that before he had trouble accepting. He had also seen things affirmed that he knew in his bones to be true.

Frigga had understood Loki in a way that he had never been able to. Thor had come to understand that it was her acceptance of who Loki was that had earned Loki’s deep, unshakable love. Thor would give his soul for one fraction of that kind of love from Loki. He had never heard Loki blame their mother for keeping the lie about his birth. He had questioned her, yes - even denied that she was his mother – but he reserved all of his resentment and anger for Odin, and for him.

But since Loki had burned their father and opened the way for Odin’s immortal spirit to find the afterlife and find peace, it proved to Thor that Loki still cared for Odin, despite it all. It also proved that beneath the anger and the madness Loki had exhibited, there were still remnants of the brother he loved. Thor had to believe that those remnants would be enough to resurrect him.

“Loki?”

“What.”

“That night that you fell into the abyss. Why did you let go? I had you; I could have saved you. Why did you let go?”

“I had no reason to hold on.”

“Surely, you don’t believe that. You had Father, you had Mother, and you had me.”

Loki hung his head and shook it. Never in all the ages he had lived had he known one as willfully, stubbornly, blind as Thor. “Must I keep reminding you that they were not my parents? Must I keep reminding you that my entire life, my entire existence had been a lie?”

“I know you do not believe it, but he did love you, Loki.”

Loki sighed. “I was a means to an end, Thor.”

Thor noted that there was less anger in Loki’s voice that morning. He looked at him. “I will not defend everything he did. He should not have lied to you once you were old enough to understand the truth. He should not have led you to believe…”

“That I had a chance to rule Asgard? You were the only one who ever had that chance. He compounded lie upon lie. Why was he not just honest about that? There were so many things I could have been, so many dreams I could have had. Why dangle the fruit only to continually hold it out of reach? Is that not cruel?”

Loki did have a point, but often their father – his father – did things that neither he nor Loki understood. “It was not intentionally cruel, but it had a cruel effect nonetheless,” he admitted.

“Why make me believe that we were brothers when we are not? That was the cruelest lie of all. That lie…”

“What?”

Loki didn’t answer; he only turned his back to Thor. “I have nothing, Thor. No family – I killed Laufey; I have never known my parents. The Jötunn will never accept me. This life, this place . . . it is the only home I have ever known and even that cannot be mine as the only way I can keep it is by pretending to be someone else. I have never and will never fit in here. That is why I let go. I had to escape.”

“How did you know that you would not die?”

“I did not know. But what was the alternative? After everything I had done, what do you think Odin would have done to me? Do you think he would have just forgiven and forgotten? ‘Oh, don’t worry about nearly killing your brother, my heir, my first born, Loki. All is forgiven.’ And Mother . . . how could she love me when she learned what I had done? How can you still love me? It does not make sense.”

“Love and sense rarely have anything to do with one another,” Thor said quietly. He reached out for Loki and clasped his arm. “You have me. We may not be brothers by blood, but I have known you all your life, Loki. I cannot remember a day without you in it. Even when I have believed you dead, you have been in my thoughts and in my heart. We are not brothers because the Allfather proclaimed it. We are brothers through our history, through our shared joy and pain, through the blood we have spilled, the care we have taken of one another. You may be Jötunn, but you are my brother. ”

Loki laughed but the sound carried no mirth. He rubbed his brow as he turned to face his brother. “Well, you are consistent,” he said. “Is there nothing I can do to make you hate me?”

Thor smiled sadly. “I am afraid not. In this, I am single-minded.”

“This,” Loki motioned between him and Thor, “is not the only thing you are single-minded about.” He waved Thor off as he turned away. “Fine. I relent,” he said, feigning exasperation. Only Loki knew that in his own heart, he felt hope for the first time in years.

As they walked away from the site of the pyre, Thor said: “Perhaps, in time, you can rule as yourself.”

“There you go, acting the naïve fool again, Brother. Your people will never accept me as I am, especially now that they know what I really am.”

“People can surprise you, Loki.” He did not miss that the endearment had so easily fallen from Loki’s lips. It had been a long time since he had heard it spoken without anger, or heard it spoken sincerely.

“No they can’t.” Loki turned and looked at Thor. “What are you smiling at?”

“Nothing.” Thor held out his arm. “Care for a ride back?”

Loki frowned. “I shall find my own way.”

“You accepted the ride here quickly enough.”

“Only because it is too tiresome to teleport us both and you knew not the way. You are heavy and cumbersome for me to move.”

Thor chuckled as Loki vanished from view. He lifted Mjolnir and took to the sky.

 


	2. Chapter 2

## Chapter Two 

 

 

**Chapter Two:**

 

Loki sat on a bench in his mother’s garden. A small amount of his energy was occupied with casting an illusion of Odin watching his warriors on the training grounds from his terrace. Another small bit was occupied with hiding himself from Heimdall’s sight (which had grown terribly easy, to be honest), and from anyone else who might happen along. A third part watched Thor and his companions squash a small incursion on Alfheim with relative ease. He made a habit of keeping an eye on Thor, though he’d readily admit that the Thunder God had done just fine taking care of himself throughout the centuries.

 

Since Thor had discovered he was alive, they were slowly getting to know one another again. Loki wasn’t yet ready to reveal to Thor how much his power had grown, but he had to admit that Thor seemed more accepting of his magic than he had ever been before, even when he played the occasional trick on him. Just that morning, Thor woke up in his bed covered in cats. Thor disliked cats – a lot. They weren’t real cats, of course, but Thor didn’t know that at the time, and his reaction amused Loki nonetheless. That particular trick never got old. Since the cats were real sometimes, Thor never knew whether he was waking up to an illusion or actual cats, so he was forced to be gentle with them. Loki never tired of keeping Thor on his toes.

 

Loki smiled as a Mockingbird landed on his shoulder and butterflies lit upon the flowers that Frigga had planted. He remembered playing in this garden as a child, and it had often been a refuge in his loneliest moments as an adult. He could feel Frigga’s presence there – small remnants of her life force resided in the living things she had tended. He was filled with both peace and a deep melancholy as he sat in the sun, remembering her. He nearly always felt a profound sense of loss and emptiness when he thought of Frigga, but he was still surprised when a tear tracked down his cheek.

 

He was distracted from thoughts of Frigga when he saw a large, red squirrel ambling toward him after climbing down the wall. “Ratatosk,” Loki said with surprise. “You have come a long way, friend. What news do you bring?”

 

Ratatosk was one of Loki’s favorite creatures, as the squirrel brought news and gossip from across the Nine Realms. Ratatosk also kept the continual disagreement alive that existed between the dragon, Níðhöggr who lived beneath Yggdrasil, and the great eagle perched at her top. Any creature that caused trouble was near and dear to Loki. But the appearance of Ratatosk so far away from the trunk of the mother tree was an ill portent. Loki listened to the squirrel’s telepathic communication, and then frowned. “Thank you,” he murmured as Ratatosk left the way he came, and then Loki stood as the Mockingbird flew away.

 

He cast his thoughts out into space, directing them toward Thor, and then he retreated to Odin’s chambers to await Thor’s return.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thor caught Mjolnir as it returned and he quickly surveyed their surroundings. Sif was dispatching the last of the marauders; Hogun also looked over the field of battle with a grim expression; and Volstagg shrugged his shoulders as he walked toward Thor.

 

“That was easy,” Fandral said from behind him.

 

“Too easy,” Thor replied.

 

“You think it a ruse?” Volstagg asked as he reached his friends.

 

“Perhaps,” Thor answered with a frown.

 

Sif approached as well. “What is the matter?” she asked when she saw the look of concern on her friend’s faces.

 

“I am not sure,” Thor said. “I thought this would be more difficult. Why did so few attack?”

 

“Perhaps they were not expecting a challenge, given that Alfheim doesn’t have warrior force of its own,” Sif answered.

 

Without warning, Loki’s image appeared in Thor’s mind, and his brother’s voice boomed inside his head. _‘Come home’_ , it said. Emotions that were not his own flooded Thor’s being – fear, pain, loneliness, love, heartbreak, anger, envy, desire… It all washed over him in a drowning wave, each one coming hard on the heels of the one before.

 

“Thor!” Sif called as the Thunder God’s knees buckled and he grabbed his head with his hand, nearly dropping Mjolnir.

 

Volstagg caught his friend and held him upright. Thor gasped and struggled for breath for a moment, his eyes wide but unseeing as his head fell back. His lips moved, forming Loki’s name, but no sound escaped him.

 

Sif reached out and grasped Thor’s breastplate and shouted to him again, shaking him. Fandral and Hogun also gathered close, watching their surroundings, as they believed that Thor’s ailment was part of a trap.

 

“What is happening to him?” Fandral asked, trying to remain calm, as his friend appeared to be dying before his eyes.

 

Thor took a deep, rasping breath then seemed to return to himself, though he was badly shaken. “I have to go home,” he said. He clasped Volstagg’s shoulder for support before he called to Heimdall.

 

“What is it? What is the matter? What happened to you just now?” Volstagg asked.

 

“I do not know, yet. Stay here, be sure that this realm is safe before you return.”

 

The Bifrost opened and Thor began the quick journey back to Asgard.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thor flew into Odin’s chambers by way of the window. He felt anxious, like his skin was crawling, and his head throbbed as his vision began to fade around the edges. He began searching the chambers, crossing the room toward Odin’s bedchamber and pushing the doors open as he practically stumbled in. “Loki, I’m here,” he said.

 

Loki stood near the window with his back to the door. He opened his eyes. “Ah, you’re back. Excellent. You received my message,” he said as he turned to face Thor. He paused when he saw the state his brother was in. “Oh...”

 

“Message? Is that what you call it? You nearly took me to my knees and I have a terrible headache,” Thor complained. He bent over and placed his hands on his knees. “I feared you wounded or ill. You sounded so desperate.”

 

“I did?” Loki asked with a frown. “I am sorry, brother. I’m still fine tuning that particular skill.” Loki winced in sympathy as he placed his hand upon Thor’s back. “You do look terrible.”

 

Thor shook his head and rubbed his brow with one hand. “Seriously, Loki. This is painful and I’m losing my sight. I do not feel myself at all.” He bent his knees and squatted on the floor.

 

“Come here,” Loki said, tugging Thor to his feet. Thor stood and then stepped forward as Loki laid his fingers upon the Thunder God’s temples. “There,” he murmured as Thor let out a quiet moan and his eyes slid closed. “Is that better?”

 

“Yes,” Thor whispered.

 

Thor stepped closer still to Loki, and Loki took some of Thor’s weight as he held his brother’s head. “I’ll get better at it, and you’ll get used to it, eventually,” he said softly.

 

“Eventually?” Thor asked in a weak voice.

 

“Sooner rather than later, preferably,” Loki answered quietly. “You’re no use to me like this.”

 

“From your lips to the Norns’ ears,” Thor murmured. He leaned fully against Loki, dropping his head to his brother’s shoulder. “I take it you are unharmed.”

 

“Yes. I am fine.” Loki frowned and smiled a little at the same time as he held Thor with one arm around Thor’s waist and one hand resting on the back of his brother’s neck. Thor’s hands rested on Loki’s hips. “That really took something out of you, didn’t it?” He was surprised that one as strong as Thor could be so weakened by his effort to project a simple thought.

 

“Yes,” Thor whispered.

 

“Does your head still ache?”

 

“Not as much anymore,” Thor said quietly.

 

“Can you see?”

 

Thor blinked and found that his vision was clearing. “Yes.” Thor wrapped his arms around Loki.

 

Loki nodded in understanding. Thor wasn’t in pain or suffering any dire physical effects any longer, but it seemed he needed to be held nonetheless. Loki made small circular patterns with his fingertips on the back of Thor’s neck and Thor sighed. “Are you weary or weak?” he said quietly into Thor’s ear.

 

“A little.”

 

“You’re not ill.”

 

“No.”

 

“I am . . . sorry that I frightened you. What do you feel?”

 

“I feel…” Thor struggled to find the right word. “Empty. I feel consumed by sorrow.”

 

That gave Loki pause. Sorrow was the last thing he felt before he summoned Thor. “How long have you been feeling this way, Thor?”

 

“Since you left my mind. I experienced . . . a storm of feelings,” Thor said. He tightened his grip on Loki a small bit. “They swirled inside me, changing from one to the other. The last one was this terrible gnawing emptiness, and when you left my mind, it remained.”

 

“That is . . . unexpected,” Loki said as much to himself as to Thor.

 

Thor tightened his arms around Loki and pulled them flush together. “What did you do to me, Loki? I feel weak, I need...”

 

“Alright, alright,” Loki said in a quiet voice. “I am sorry, Thor. I did not know this would happen. I have you. I’ll not let go until you tell me I can.”

 

“Thank you, Loki.” Thor tightened his grip a small bit more, trying to find as much contact with Loki as his armor would allow. He felt like a sad child that needed reassurance from a loved one. He slowly began to piece together what had happened. These were not his feelings. He had only felt this way when he believed Loki dead and when his mother... These were Loki’s emotions. That realization caused a heavy sorrow to seep into his bones.

 

Loki rarely found Thor in a state like this, so opportunities to be the caretaker came few and far between for him. Truth be told, Loki relished the moments, because in them, Thor needed him, Thor belonged to him alone. The emotions Thor had experienced had been an unintentional transference of his own feelings. Loki wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but he wasn’t entirely sorry it did. Thor felt for a moment what he felt. Perhaps that would help Thor finally understand. He hummed quietly and leaned his head against Thor’s as he held him close. After several long minutes, he asked: “Do you want to lie down?”

 

Thor turned his face into Loki’s neck, and Loki felt the soft scratch of Thor’s beard against his skin. It sent goose bumps racing along his arms prickling like electricity. Thor took a deep breath and his hands fell to Loki’s hips again. “Yes,” he said quietly. “For a short while.”

 

Loki pulled back a small bit and took Thor’s wrist. “Lie down here,” he said.

 

“You will stay?” Thor asked. This sudden need and sense of vulnerability was beginning to frighten him. He physically ached to be close again, but he also knew he couldn’t realistically stay attached to Loki forever. He wondered if Loki had worked some spell on him.

 

“I will,” Loki said.

 

Thor lay face down upon the bed, and as Loki settled beside him, Thor reached out and placed his hand on the Trickster’s thigh. When Loki laid his own hand atop Thor’s, Thor felt a sense of relief.

 

Loki sat upon the bed, leaning back against its head, his ankles crossed. He closed his fingers around Thor’s hand as he looked down at the warrior. Thor fell into a deep sleep almost immediately and Loki occupied himself with wondering just what he had done wrong.

 

Hours passed and the light in the room dimmed. Loki brought his illusion of Odin back to his chambers, and led Heimdall to believe that the king was sleeping. Meanwhile, he still held Thor’s hand and watched him sleep. This unexpected event was both disturbing and intriguing. Should events take a more contentious turn with Thor, it was good to know that he had some power over him, even if it were not total. Of course, he did not know the extent of that power – it was possible that he could destroy Thor, or perhaps drive him mad, and that frightened him. What was he becoming?

 

Thor took a deep breath as he stirred, and he turned to his side, his hand sliding off of Loki’s thigh as he moved. He opened his eyes and looked up at his brother. The look on Loki’s face was not comforting. “What did you do to me?”

 

“I am not sure,” Loki said. It wasn’t a complete lie. Concern was written plainly on Loki’s face and was discernable in his voice.

 

Thor sat up. “Is this what you did to Barton and Selvig?”

 

“No,” Loki answered. “That was different. That was mind control. I only intended to send you a message.” When Thor frowned, he responded, “I cannot control your mind, Thor. I have not the sceptre, and even if I did you are not as weak as your human friends.” He huffed when he saw Thor wasn’t sure whether to believe him or not. “I swear I did not know you would be affected this way.”

 

“It wasn’t one of your tricks?”

 

Loki left the bed and moved to stand by the window with his back to Thor. “I suppose I understand why you ask that, but no. It wasn’t. I really just needed you to come home.”

 

“Those feelings, they were yours,” Thor said.

 

Loki didn’t answer.

 

“How long have…” Thor shook his head. “You have always felt that way?”

 

“Not always.”

 

“But for a long time.”

 

Loki said nothing.

 

“Loki, I . . . I did not know. I should have known, but I did not. I knew you were angry and I thought you were bitter and envious, because to be fair, you are a master of deception, but I did not know that you felt so—”

 

Loki shook his head. “I would rather not discuss this.”

 

“But we must. I need—”

 

Loki wheeled on Thor. “Ah, yes. You need. It is always about what you need or you think or you want. You do not get to know everything that I think, everything that I…” He waved Thor off and turned his back again.

 

Thor left the bed and moved toward the door. He resigned himself to abandoning the subject, for the moment. “You needed me to come home. What has happened?”

 

Loki swallowed and regained himself. “I received a message.”

 

“What message?”

 

“There is a threat growing. Its source is unknown, as of yet. Yggdrasil is in danger. I suspect that it might be Thanos.”

 

“How do you know this, Loki?”

 

“Ratatosk. He came to me and delivered the news.”

 

“Are there others that know you are here?”

 

“None that could or would betray me. Thor, if he finds a way to harm Yggdrasil, or even harness her power…”

 

“I know,” Thor answered. He frowned. “Thanos was last seen near Midgard. He was the one who convinced you to attack there.”

 

“Yes. He wanted Midgard as a prize for Death. I imagine he still wants it, considering that I didn’t deliver.” Loki swallowed at the thought. “Go to the place where Yggdrasil joins with Midgard, her energy is strong there. See if she is safe. If Yggdrasil is damaged, or sick, you must come and tell me, immediately.”

 

“I understand.” Thor turned and walked a few steps before stopping and looking back at Loki. “Perhaps you…”

 

“What?”

 

“Nothing. Never mind.”

 

“Take Sif and the Warriors Three. I do not want you to do this alone,” Loki said.

 

Thor turned to face Loki. “It is best I go alone. If I bring them with me and Thanos is the source of the threat, he will be watching Midgard. If the four of us appear, he will know we have discovered his plot and it could force his hand.”

 

“You’ll never know you’re being watched,” Loki said as he nodded in agreement. “He can control any lowly beast.”

 

“He will send one of his spies to follow us and they will discover the location where Yggdrasil joins with Midgard – if he doesn’t know it already.”

 

“Let us hope he does not,” Loki answered.

 

Thor placed his hands on his hips. “I will go to Midgard alone, to visit my friends. It is not an uncommon thing for me to do, so if Thanos is watching, he should be none the wiser.”

 

“Thor, you cannot show any Midgardian the location of Yggdrasil. It is too dangerous. If they find out what she is…”

 

“I know.” He smiled. “Trust me, Loki. The location of the Mother Tree will be safe. I shall not reveal her location.” He offered a small smile and then winked. He retrieved Mjolnir and made for the Bifrost and then Midgard.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 

“Well?” Loki asked as Thor entered the garden.

 

“She is fine, strong even.”

 

Loki sighed in relief.

 

Thor sat beside Loki on the bench. “What trouble have you been up to while I was gone?”

 

Loki leaned back. “Odin has inspected his warriors, shared an ale with a few of the high ranking officers, meandered around the palace, watched his warriors train… nothing else of note.”

 

“That is what Odin has been doing. What of Loki?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Loki looked more worried than Thor had ever seen him. He smiled gently and nodded, sitting back next to Loki. “You’ve learned nothing else of Thanos?”

 

“Nothing, but I have to be careful seeking for him. If he senses that it is me, well… we lose the element of surprise.” He looked up at the blue sky. “Heimdall is watching for him, at his king’s command of course.”

 

Thor swallowed. “What are we going to do, Loki? How are we going to defeat him?”

 

“I have no idea,” Loki answered. He looked down at Mjolnir, which sat at Thor’s feet. “Is it possible?”

 

“What?” Thor asked.

 

“Is it possible that you are strong enough, that Mjolnir is powerful enough, to kill him?”

 

Thor looked at the hammer. “Possible, I suppose. But I would rather have more than a possibility.”

 

Loki nodded. “Well there is a bit of good news.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“If he comes, he is only interested in torturing me. You and your friends will die and go to Valhalla.”

 

Thor sat forward and turned to face Loki. “What of you?”

 

Loki closed his eyes. “An eternity of agony that not even I can imagine.”

 

Thor put his hand on Loki’s shoulder. “I shall never allow that.”

 

Loki looked into Thor’s earnest gaze. “You can’t stop it if you’re dead.” He took a deep breath. “There is something you can do, however.”

 

Thor swallowed. “What?”

 

“You can destroy me.”

 

“Loki, no.”

 

“You can’t leave a trace of me, Thor. You can leave nothing behind or he’ll find a way to resurrect me. He’ll tear me apart and put me back together worse than I’ve ever been. He will use me, use my power, to destroy the Universe – to destroy you. He will make you watch as I kill everyone you have ever loved, then he will make you watch as he tortures me, and then finally he will make me kill you. When there is nothing left to stop him, he will amuse himself by tormenting me for the rest of time.”

 

Thor paled. “How . . . how could you know this?”

 

“It is what I would do,” Loki said matter-of-factly. “If it comes to it. If it is eminent that he will catch me, you must kill me. You must tear me apart and scatter the very particles of my body into the universe. There can be nothing left of me.”

 

“It will not come to that, Loki.”

 

“Promise me, Thor.”

 

“Loki…”

 

Loki stood abruptly. “Promise me that you will do this.” He knelt in front of Thor. “It will be a mercy. Can you not find enough love in your heart for me to do this kindness?”

 

Thor swallowed and looked at Loki’s hands as they rested on his knees. He covered them with his own. “I promise, Brother.”

 

Loki nodded and then bowed his head. “Thank you. It is better than I deserve.” He took a deep breath and stood, then looked up at the sky. “I have upset you,” he said as clouds gathered.

 

“You expect otherwise?” Thor asked, looking up at Loki.

 

“I thought it would be easier. I thought the choice between your friends, your people, and me would be easier for you to make.”

 

Thor clasped Loki’s wrist. “Then you are not as intelligent as you think you are.”

 

Loki offered a small smile. “Perhaps not.” He caressed Thor’s beard, and then left the Thunder God alone in their mother’s garden.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Mjolnir returned to his grasp and he spun and threw it again. They were vastly outnumbered for what was supposed to have been a routine skirmish by a band of rogue marauders. Sif was at his back, moving with him in the deadly dance that they had perfected long ago. Hogun, Fandral, and Volstagg were also close as they grouped together. Trolls seemed to appear from thin air; it was an army set for invasion. If Heimdall didn’t send reinforcements soon they would not all return home. They had already lost two score of their warriors and what was left of the small regiment they arrived with were barely hanging on.

 

Thunder rocked the sky in an explosion that leveled the trees around them, and the trolls paused their attack and shrunk back in fear.

 

“Is this supposed to help?!” Fandral shouted over the sound of snapping trees. He covered his head as the sky exploded in flame and lightning.

 

“I am not doing this!” Thor shouted back.

 

The sky darkened and the ground erupted around them, sending soil and rocks skyward. They were surrounded by a moat of fire: they inside, their combatants outside of it.

 

“What is this devilry?!” Volstagg shouted.

 

“We are trapped,” Hogun added.

 

“It is dark magic,” Sif hissed.

 

Then the Bifrost opened and two regiments Asgardian warriors arrived, Loki was mounted upon Sleipnir at their head, in the guise of Odin. Gungnir sent bolts of searing energy across the ranks of the rock trolls. As the Asgardian warriors began to overwhelm the trolls, the ring of fire dissipated and Thor and his companions leapt over the breech, joining their fellow warriors in battle. Thor kept an eye on Loki, as his brother rode forward upon Sleipnir.

 

When it was done, amongst the smoke and stench of death, Thor picked his way across the field toward Loki. “You should not have come yourself,” he said quietly.

 

Sif and the others watched the conversation from a short distance.

 

“You are wounded,” Loki said.

 

Thor felt Loki’s hand upon his shoulder and the pain in his arm disappeared. For a moment, it felt as if his father were there, though he knew it was only a disguise. “Thank you,” he said quietly, flexing his hand. “They came from nowhere.”

 

“Oh, they came from somewhere to be certain,” Loki said, his false, aged eye surveying the field. “We must return, tend to the wounded.”

 

Thor nodded. “Heimdall,” he called, and the bridge opened.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You did that,” Thor said as he approached Loki in Odin’s chambers.

 

“Did what?” Loki asked as he leaned Gungnir against the wall, placing his hand upon the cool stone for a moment. His legs where trembling.

 

“The sky, the moat of fire. You created that to save us, to buy time until our warriors arrived.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“How . . . you were not there. You were worlds away. How could you…”

 

“Thor, you have no idea what I am capable of.”

 

“You can project an illusion over such a great distance?”

 

“Think you that was an illusion? Did you not feel the heat? Did the sky not quake? Did the trees not explode?”

 

The thought of Loki possessing that much power gave Thor pause. “But how… What else can you do?”

 

“Magic is the manipulation of matter and perception, Thor. It requires intense focus.” He sighed and rolled his eyes as his head fell back. He turned to face Thor, trying to hide the exhaustion he felt.

 

Thor frowned and took a step forward. “Loki? Are you alright?”

 

Loki ignored the question. “You still don’t pay attention. I can create fire, ice, wind, rain . . . I can make the seas rise and the air erupt into flames. I can make you see what is not there. I can make you want what you have not yet imagined. I can…” He turned away and swallowed. “I can do many things.”

 

“How long have you possessed such power?”

 

“I have known how to wield it for some time now, but has been part of me all along. I think Mother knew. It is why she taught me. I think she hoped that… It does not matter.”

 

“Were you capable of such things before you fell?”

 

“Capable? Yes. Though I had not the understanding or will to harness and focus that ability then.”

 

Thor swallowed. “You could destroy the world if you wanted, couldn’t you? You could bring the end of all days.”

 

“I could. I might still.” He turned to face Thor again. “What did you once say to me? Some do battle; others just do tricks? What think you of my tricks now, Thor?”

 

“Loki,” Thor reached out and clasped the Trickster’s wrist, frowning at his rapid pulse. “You are unwell.”

 

“I am fine, just tired.”

 

“I do not believe you.”

 

“You never should.” Loki said. “I will be fine after some rest. It is not like making the sky explode from a world away is a walk in the garden.”

 

“I am sorry that I never understood. That I never appreciated−”

 

“What is done is done, Thor. Leave it be. Go. See to your warriors. Many are wounded. Your presence will lift their spirits.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“For what? Not breaking the world?”

 

“For saving us. All of us.”

 

Loki nodded once and turned away as Thor reluctantly left his chambers, then his knees buckled.

 

Thor was half way across the outer chamber when he heard Loki fall. He quickly set Mjolnir in front of the doors and rushed back to Loki’s side.

 

“Loki…” He clasped Loki under the arms and lifted him to the bed. “What is happening to you?”

 

“That was . . . harder to do than I anticipated.”

 

Thor sat on the edge of the bed. “I am staying here with you.”

 

“You should—”

 

“Stop telling me what to do. They are being seen to, you need someone to see to you.”

 

“I just need to rest,” Loki said, his voice fading to nothing but a murmur.

 

“Then I shall watch over you while you do.” Thor settled back against the head of the bed, remembering the last time they both were there. This time, he would take care of Loki.

 

Thor waited for Loki to wake. As the hours passed, he felt an increasing sense of anxiety. What if Loki was so weakened that his illusions failed him? What if Heimdall could see them? What if The Other could see them? Terrible possibilities formed in Thor’s mind as he waited for Loki to wake. He halfway expected to hear Asgard’s army pounding at the door any moment.

 

Loki gasped and tried to scramble to his feet. Thor reached out for Loki, only to be punched in the jaw. He grasped Loki’s arms, wrestled him to his back and held him down, trying to sound calm as he repeated Loki’s name.

 

Loki’s eyes were open, but they appeared to be unseeing. They were wide with fear and Thor leaned down, speaking calmly and quietly to him.

 

“Peace, Brother. It is I. You are safe. You are home. It was a nightmare, Loki.”

 

Loki looked into Thor’s blue eyes. “Thor?”

 

“Yes, Brother. You are safe.” He released Loki’s arms and sat back. “What plagues your dreams?”

 

Loki shook his head as he sat up. “Nothing.”

 

“Loki, please. Tell me. Perhaps I can help.”

 

Loki laughed bitterly. “No one can help me, Thor. I am beyond help.”

 

Thor placed his hand on the back of Loki’s neck. “No. You are not.” He could see tears welling in Loki’s eyes. “Come, Brother,” he said softly as he drew Loki into an embrace. “I promise you, I will die before I let anyone or anything harm you.”

 

Loki buried his face in Thor’s hair and squeezed the Thunder God around the waist. “I don’t want that.”

 

“It is not up to you,” Thor said with a small smile. He stroked Loki’s hair. “Tell me your dreams, Loki. Perhaps sharing them will help ease the burden.”

 

Loki took a deep breath and pulled back. “They are only dreams, Thor. Dreams can’t hurt us.” He slid out of the bed, pausing as Thor clasped his hand. He looked back at the Thunder God. “Let me go, you sentimental idiot.”

 

Thor smirked. That sounded a lot more like the Loki he knew. “Fine,” he said with raised hands. He gained his feet. “If it is agreeable to you, I shall go check on my warriors.”

 

“You mean my warriors,” Loki said with a weak smirk. He waved Thor off. “Yes, go. You should have been there hours ago.”

 

Thor reluctantly left Loki alone.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thor had to admit that Loki proved to be a good king despite what he once would have believed. And he was doing what he was born to do, lead his warriors and protect the Nine Realms. He found that Loki was wise in ways that he knew he would never be: adept at diplomacy, frightening when roused to anger yet controlled enough not to be provoked, and he was powerful enough to ensure the respect of the lesser peoples in the Nine Realms. He believed in his heart that it was not just the visage of Odin that inspired such respect and awe; it was how Loki conducted himself as Odin. But the revelation of Loki’s new found strength was a concern. He wanted to trust that all would be well, but there was a history between them that proved it could just as easily turn out the opposite.

 

He wondered how long it could last. Everyone knew Odin was old and he could not live forever, and Thor began to imagine the possibility of Loki ruling as himself, assuming Thanos didn’t destroy everything. He entered the tavern to find his friends gathered around the fire. Rather than celebrating, they were quiet.

 

As Thor joined them, Hogun asked: “Did you know the Allfather was capable of such power?”

 

Thor accepted a glass of mead from the barmaid with a smile. “Of course. He is the Allfather. There is little he cannot do.”

 

“He has never used dark magic like that before,” Sif said.

 

Thor frowned. “You claim to know the Allfather’s mind? You do not know everything he has done or will do.”

 

She swallowed. “Of course not.”

 

“Take no offense, friend,” Volstagg said. “We are all a little unsettled by what we witnessed today.”

 

“I understand,” Thor said. “He did it to save us. We would have been overrun. I am glad he did. I do not wish to lose any of you. We lost far too many today as it was.”

 

Fandral reached out and squeezed Thor’s shoulder. “We are grateful, Thor. It was just…”

 

“Yes, I understand. It was an awesome display.” Thor sighed. “But the Allfather is old and I fear he grows weary of heart,” he said, and then sipped his mead. “I do not possess his power. I am a soldier, a warrior.”

 

“You have Mjolnir,” Hogun said. “It is enough.”

 

“It would not have been enough today if not for...” He shook his head.

 

“When it is time, the throne will pass to you,” Sif said. “You do not need magic, Thor. You have the love of your people, the respect of the Nine Realms. You have us.”

 

“I do not want the throne,” Thor replied. “Father knows this.”

 

“There is no one else to rule,” Volstagg said. “It must be you.”

 

“I wish Loki were here,” Thor said.

 

“Gods above, why would you wish that?!” Fandral exclaimed.

 

“He was my brother,” Thor answered with a frown.

 

“He was never your brother,” Hogun said.

 

Thor shot him a disapproving look.

 

“Wish you Loki upon the throne instead?” Sif asked, sitting forward.

 

“Yes,” Thor answered. “Loki was far wiser than I, and powerful in his way. Loki could protect the Nine Realms and keep peace.”

 

“Are you mad? You would have us led by a liar and a monster?! He would use the throne for his own twisted ends.”

 

Thor took to his feet. “Take care how you speak of him, Sif. Your long years of friendship will mean nothing if you defame him to me.”

 

“Forgive me, Thor. Perhaps your grief and the years of his absence have blunted your memory. Do you not remember that Loki tried to murder you more than once?”

 

Thor slammed his cup down on the table. “Do you forget that he died saving my life?! Do you forget the times he aided us in battle?” What he wouldn’t give to tell them the truth now – that they would all be dead on Vanaheim if not for Loki.

 

“He died avenging the Queen’s death,” Sif said quietly. “There is a difference.”

 

“You were not there,” Thor growled.

 

“Because you would not allow us to be!” Sif shouted. “We should have been there! It should have been me who…”

 

Thor sighed. Sif had ever loved him, even though he had never felt the same way about her. He regretted not discouraging her devotion early on. “No, my lady. I would never wish you dead, nor can I be glad that my brother is gone from me. I know you will never understand…” he looked at his friends. “None of you can ever understand. We should have been better to him. We should have been kinder to him, tried to know him instead of chiding him for not being more like us.”

 

Only Volstagg seemed to be touched by his words, and it broke Thor’s heart that the others could not see the error in their ways, that they would never see Loki as he did. He stood and made to leave.

 

“Forgive me,” Sif said, reaching out for him. “I did not mean–”

 

“I love him, Sif. I will always love him. Until you accept that, you cannot claim to love me.” He placed his hand upon her shoulder then left his friends.

 


	4. Chapter 4

## Chapter Four 

 

Loki took a deep breath as his eyes opened and he found Thor sitting at the foot of his bed, staring at him. “Is this going to become a regular occurrence?” he asked, sitting up and rubbing his face.

 

“Your magic. Explain it to me.”

 

Loki huffed. “Now? In the middle of the night?”

 

“What better time? No one else is around who can hear. Does magic not thrive in the darkness?”

 

Loki shook his head. “That is what those who do not understand it believe. Magic thrives in both the darkness and the light, Thor.”

 

“Teach me.”

 

“What, to wield it?” Loki laughed. “It takes a lifetime and even then not everyone can. It is not a weapon that you pick up and use like a sword or a spear. Magic is a living thing; it chooses those to whom it reveals itself. I can no more teach you to wield magic than you can teach me to wield Mjolnir. That hammer is as much a part of you as your arm. Magic is the same for me.”

 

“What are your limits? Because what I saw today…”

 

“I do not know for certain where my own limits are and I have been practicing most of my life. You really know nothing at all about it?” He shook his head. “Frigga was your mother too, did you never listen? Did you never heed what she had to say?”

 

Thor picked at the coverlet as he looked down. “She rarely talked about it to me.”

 

Loki cocked his head. “And you never asked.”

 

“No. Did you?”

 

“Of course I did. When I saw what she could do… She used to call songbirds to fly above my head and sing me to sleep when I was small. Once she summoned a kaleidoscope of butterflies to dance on the air around me as I played in the garden. Do you not remember her doing those things for you?”

 

“I remember.”

 

“But you never asked her how she could do them? You never asked her to teach you how?”

 

“No.”

 

“Of course not. You were too busy trying to be like Odin, running around waving sticks and jumping off rocks. You never stopped to see the world around you. I bet you have never asked Iðunn how she tends her orchard. You just take the apple and eat it.”

 

“No, Loki. I have never been as curious as you, nor have I ever been as intelligent as you, as you so often like to remind me.”

 

“Nor have I been as honorable as you, as you have so often reminded me,” Loki bit back. He smoothed the coverlet and took a deep breath, and then he tossed Thor a pillow. “You might as well get comfortable. If you wish to learn, then it will not happen in an hour.”

 

“You will teach me then?”

 

“What is it that you expect me to teach you?”

 

“I want to know what it is, how it works. I want to know what you can do and how you do it.”

 

“So you can add magic to your arsenal of weapons to make war?”

 

“I do not seek out war.” Thor sighed. He decided not to remind Loki that it was he who had sought war last, though he had to admit there was a time when he had as well. “I do not need to learn how to use it, I only wish to understand how _you_ use it.”

 

“Why?” Loki was intrigued.

 

“I know how important it is to you, and my ignorance of it has left me feeling like I do not really know you, not the real you – the version of you that you keep hidden. I am an open book, but you have always been a mystery to me. I want to really know you, Loki.”

 

Loki frowned. “Better late than never?” He pursed his lips as Thor nodded. “Very well.” He turned and propped pillows behind him and sat back. “The first thing you should know is that magic is more than incantations and spells. Those things are mere tools used to work it the way a metal smith uses a forge to make a weapon. Magic itself is energy; it is life force. All magic comes from sources in the universe, but few can tap into it or see it.”

 

“I remember this. Mother could tap into it.”

 

“Yes,” Loki answered with a fond smile. “She was far more powerful than even Odin knew.”

 

“And it comes from Yggdrasil, yes?” Thor asked.

 

“Yes. It flows through her branches and roots, extending far into the universe, far beyond anywhere we know or can see, far beyond even Heimdall’s sight, and it is all around us all of the time, but most never see it.”

 

“Can you show it to me?” Thor asked.

 

“I can make it visible to you, yes.” Loki waved his hand and the air around Thor glowed white, then orange, then blue, then green, then white again, before changing to red. “Red has always been your color, you practically vibrate it.”

 

“My color?” Thor reached up and ran his fingers through it, and the tiny pinpoints of light danced and swirled upon the air as it moved, folding into the empty spaces left by the tracks of his fingers.

 

“All living things emit an energy field.”

 

“Yes, I know this. I remember it from our lessons as children.”  


“So you were listening.” Loki smirked.

 

“Part of the time,” Thor grinned sheepishly back.

 

“That energy field is what you see around you now, one way it manifests itself is through color. Yours is red.”

 

“Why red?”

 

“Red is vitality, strength, virility. You are nothing if not masculine, Thor.”

 

Thor grinned. “Thank you.”

 

Loki rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t exactly a compliment.”

 

Thor’s expression softened. “It is beautiful,” he said quietly.

 

The corners of Loki’s mouth twitched upward. “Mother never showed you this.”

 

“No.”

 

Loki swallowed when he heard the sorrow in Thor’s voice. “It was the first thing she taught me,” he said quietly. He pursed his lips and blew, and the light turned to mist, and then disappeared.

 

“And what is your color?”

 

Loki smiled. “Have you never wondered why I choose to wear the kind of garments I do?” When Thor frowned he shook his head. “You have never been very observant.” He rolled his eyes. “Green, Thor.”

 

“Let me see.”

 

“Very well.” Loki closed his eyes and the air around him lit up with hundreds of points of green light.

 

“What does it mean?”

 

“Green is the color of the mind’s connection with the universe.” He sighed. “Color isn’t the point, Thor. It is but one way we see what is all around us. The point isn’t the color, it is the energy itself.”

 

“How so?”

 

“The mage works this energy in the way the metal smith works steel. Just as the smith must know how to fold and hone steel to make a fine sword, the mage must know how to manipulate energy and matter.”

 

“Are your shapeshifting abilities magic?”

 

Loki frowned. “In a way, but they are also part of my being. To transform is as natural a thing to me as breathing.”

 

“That must be true, since the first time you changed form was as an infant.”

 

“I do not remember doing it.” His thoughts wandered for a moment, then he shook his head a small bit and continued. “All Jötunn have some ability with magic, it is how they manipulate ice and rock and the natural world around them, but to my knowledge they cannot shapeshift. They do not have that much control…”

 

“Control? Over what?” Thor asked.

 

“Matter. Our bodies are but collections of particles of matter and energy. What is it the humans say? We are made of stardust?”

 

“Yes. I have heard this. But you do have that kind of control. So when you change form, you are controlling the substance of your body?”

 

“Top marks, Thor. Congratulations, you have learned something.”

 

Thor grinned and Loki rolled his eyes.

 

“What else can you control? I know you can cast illusions, even make things appear out of thin air.”

 

“I can manipulate all forms of matter, to a point. I cannot transform you, for example, for the substance of your body is subject to your will, but I can transform things with no will of their own.”

 

“Is that what you did today, on Alfheim?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“How? You were here.”

 

“I envisioned it – I cast my mind to find you. Once I did, you provided the anchor for my thoughts. I then imagined the ground exploding – I directed my energy, my life force, at the earth around you, willing the particles that make up the soil and air to bend to my will.”

 

“And that is why you were so weak when we returned.”

 

“Yes. It took quite a lot. More than I anticipated, really.”

 

“You said you could not transform things that have their own will.”

 

“That is correct.”

 

“What about when you made me appear as Sif?”

 

“I didn’t transform you, only your perception. I made you see the image of Sif in your own body.”

 

“What about Sif’s hair?”

 

Loki chuckled. “That was a potion that I had been practicing with. I did not know that it would be permanent. It really was an accident.”

 

Thor laughed quietly and nodded. “It was the beginning of the end.”

 

Loki’s grin faded. “She never liked me after that. Perhaps she never did to begin with.”

 

Thor reached out and laid his hand on Loki’s knee and squeezed. “She does not really know you.”

 

“She never wanted to. No one does,” Loki said so quietly that Thor almost didn’t hear him.

 

“I do,” Thor answered, trying to look Loki in the eye. He truly meant it with every fiber of his being. When Loki looked up at him, he offered a small smile.

 

Loki looked at him thoughtfully. He wanted to believe it was true, and he wanted to believe that Thor would like what he found, should he look so deep. He sighed. “That is enough for one night.”

 

“We have only just gotten started,” Thor protested. “You said it would take all night.”

 

“It is the middle of the night, Thor. I have duties to perform upon the morrow and so do you. Go. I want to sleep now.”

 

“Loki, have I said something wrong? Was it what I said about Sif? I–”

 

“I am tired, Thor. You woke me from a sound sleep. I would like to return to it.”

 

Thor nodded and reluctantly rose from his place on the bed. Loki was nothing if not mercurial. “May we continue this later?”

 

“Perhaps,” Loki said, turning his back to Thor as he slid down beneath the blankets.

 

“Goodnight, Brother,” Thor said as he picked up Mjolnir.

 

“Goodnight, Thor.” Loki closed his eyes and tried to fall back asleep.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

This was not how Loki envisioned things going. He had what he had always thought he wanted – all of Asgard, the greatest of the Nine Realms was under his rule. But in truth, the throne was not what he thought it would be when he couldn’t use it to hurt those who had always hurt him, not without hurting Thor in the process. Without the sweetness of revenge, it all rang hollow. In truth, even the prospect of revenge began to seem unimportant. He also knew that the ruse could not last much longer before his subjects began to suspect something. Not even the Allfather could live forever. He began to realize that it wasn’t a throne that he really wanted; it was the respect that came with it that he had always craved, and as long as he pretended to be Odin, he’d never have it.

“Who knew kingship would be so boring?” he murmured to himself, Odin’s form dissolving once he was alone. He sighed. He had nowhere else to go. Even if he did, nothing was worth more than what staying might give him – the possibility of Thor’s devotion. He told himself that he wanted influence over Thor, but there was a small voice in his mind that reminded him that wasn’t all he wanted.

The battle the day before pricked uneasily at his mind. Never before had he seen rock trolls be so bold, and how they had amassed such numbers without alerting Heimdall or himself was equally troubling. They had to be aided by someone or something, and it felt like they had laid a trap for Thor. That bothered him most of all. The intent could have been to destroy Thor, for there were those who would like to see that done. Destroying Thor would leave Asgard vulnerable – or at least there were those who believed that to be true, but they did not know that he lived, nor did they know of the extent of his power. What he really feared was that someone did know he survived, and they sought to trap Thor to draw him out. 

He frowned and knelt, picking up a parchment that lay on the rug in his old room. It was a poem he had written as a child. “How did this get here?” he murmured to himself before placing it upon his desk. He rarely visited his old chambers – they dredged up sad memories of a childhood that turned out to be a lie – but he was feeling sullen and uneasy that night, so they were fitting surroundings.

The amount of energy he expended to save Thor and his friends had taken a toll. Despite what lesser races believed, he was not a god. He was Jötunn, and stronger than even Odin had been, but he was not all-powerful. He was a mighty mage, more skilled, more dangerous than any before him that he could recall, but he was not a god. The source of his power was awesome, but it was still contained in the finite space of his body and his mind. He closed his eyes, feeling the siren call of sleep and he turned toward his old bed, thinking of lying down and just closing his eyes for a bit.

Booming thunder rocked the silence of the night, disturbing his thoughts as the skies opened up. “It appears that something is amiss with my brother,” he said quietly. Sleep would have to wait. He took a deep breath, and then closed his eyes and faded into the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thor slowly paced his chambers, his mind preoccupied. All day he had been bothered by something – throughout training, throughout surveying his troops and their readiness, throughout the preparations of making Asgard safe from impending attack. Sif had dogged him, asking what was wrong, if he missed Jane… He did, a little, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was buried deep in his mind, stalking like an unseen predator ready to pounce at the first opportunity. Another argument with her about Loki only increased his sense of uneasiness. 

“What plagues the God of Thunder this night?” Loki asked with a slight smile.

“How know you something plagues me?” Thor asked in response, turning away from the window and watching Loki materialize before his eyes. “Does everyone think they know my mind?”

Loki held up his hands in capitulation. “See you not the sky outside? I wager that all of Asgard knows that something sits ill with their prince. If your mood doesn’t improve, you will cause the city to flood and I will have another tedious mess to clean up, as if a hoard of rock trolls wasn’t enough. I have barely recovered from that, by the way.”

“I have been blind.”

“You just now realize that?” Loki asked with a weak smirk. His smile faded when he saw Thor’s pained expression. “Tell me,” he said softly, coming closer. 

“I thought that with time, with my praise, that I could turn…”

Loki’s lips tightened into a thin line and he nodded. “That you could convince everyone that I am not the monster they believe I was. That I would have been a good king.”

“Yes.”

“That would require worldwide amnesia, for I have earned my reputation. Or have you forgotten?”

“But have not these years of your rule atoned for that?”

“Is there atonement for someone like me? Perhaps if they knew the truth, if they knew that it was I, not the Allfather who has kept the peace and defended the realm when peace failed. But that is doubtful. They will never, ever accept me.”

“I feel I have failed you again, Brother. I feel it is all I ever do.”

Thor’s realization was a hollow victory for Loki. He finally held a higher place in Thor’s affections than Sif and the Warriors Three, but the cost soured what should have been sweet. There was a time when putting distance between Thor and everyone else would have made him happy, when having Thor as his ally, his friend, his companion would have been worth any cost. Of course, back then, he had only thought of himself. Pretending to be Odin, pretending to be the Allfather, had changed his way of thinking.

He put his hands on Thor’s shoulders and squeezed. He moved one hand to cup the back of Thor’s neck, threading his fingers into Thor’s unruly hair and pressed their foreheads together. Thor grasped Loki’s arms in his hands and held tight. They were not this way together nearly enough. Thor felt as he did the night that Loki healed his hand, or when Loki took away the pain in his head. He felt like he could live on this feeling alone. 

Loki sighed. “I am sorry that the truth hurts you thus,” he said, and he found he actually meant it. “Do you understand now? Do you see?”

“I do.” Thor pulled back and looked into Loki’s eyes. “How did you bear it? I cannot bear to even hear the words they utter. And I have said so many hurtful things to you.”

“I thought it would be easier to just be the thing you all thought I was, to hurt you since that is what you expected me to do, than to keep trying to prove myself to those who would never accept me. One can only suffer unrequited love and friendship for so long before rage takes the place of tenderness. I held onto the hope of revenge so that I had a reason to…” He shook his head, then continued: “but even that has been denied me.”

“And now?” Thor asked.

“It grows tiresome.” He sighed. “Revenge requires too much energy to maintain, and it is boring. Besides, it does not change the past. I suppose I am not entirely blameless.”

“You wish to change the past?”

Thor’s gaze was so sincere, so earnest, so hopeful. “I wish to change a lot of things,” Loki said quietly.

Thor smiled a little as hope bloomed in his heart. But then he thought of his conversations with Sif. He huffed and shook his head. “They will never accept you.”

“No, they will not. It was a beautiful dream you had, Thor – you and I ruling together – but it was only a dream.”

“What are we going to do, Loki? This cannot go on.”

“I know.” Loki took a deep breath and stepped away from Thor. “The Allfather must die and you must ascend the throne. Loki must stay dead.”

“Must it be?”

“Unless you want civil war amongst the Nine Realms, yes. And worse…”

“But . . . how can you…” Thor’s eyes widened. “You will not leave will you? You cannot leave, not now, not after all of the time it took for us to…”

Loki looked out the window. “I suppose I could take another form, but what form? What could I become that would give me what I want?”

“What do you want?”

Loki closed his eyes. “I dare not say it aloud, lest all my misdeeds come crashing down upon my head,” he whispered.

Thor put his hand upon Loki’s shoulder and turned him. “I will give you anything, Loki. You need but ask.” He touched Loki’s face. “You have no idea…”

Loki frowned. “What?”

Thor took a deep breath. It was time he just let what was in his heart speak for him. “You really don’t believe that I love you, do you? Loki, you have no idea the power you have over me.” It was a risky thing to admit, he knew, but Loki had come so far. “Others do not dictate to me how I should feel. I don’t care what they think. I only care about you.”

Loki swallowed. If Thor only knew that in that moment, with those words, that it was Thor who truly held the power. 

“Perhaps I should become your pet,” he mused, avoiding what Thor was on the verge of saying. He had wanted to hear it. He had prayed to hear it. But even as the words were about to spill from Thor’s lips, he was afraid. 

He transformed into a great black wolf. “Is this not a fitting companion for the true King of Asgard? I could lie at your feet all day; I could frighten that insipid Sif and the idiotic Warriors Three, threaten unwanted visitors, and you could ride upon my back when you are bored. I could go into battle with you, fighting at your side. Parents would tell stories of the Wolf of Asgard, frightening their children into obedience.”

Thor knelt and threaded his fingers through Loki’s black fur as he looked into his blue eyes. The fur felt so real; it was warm and slightly rough beneath his hand. “Loki…”

“Or a great eagle.” He transformed into a massive black, gold and green bird. “We could fly together. Or,” he transformed again into a large serpent of the same colors, coiling about Thor’s legs. “I could become what everyone believes me to be, slithering in the darkness with my forked tongue.”

“Loki, please. You are not a serpent, and I do not want you to be my pet, or any other lesser thing than you are.”

“You do not know what I truly am, Thor.” He slithered away from Thor’s legs. “What do you want me to be? This?” he changed into Jötunn form. “What do you believe me to be? You have never really known me.” The answer to those questions had the potential to prove true what Loki had always believed, that Thor clung to an illusion that he could never live up to; or it could give him everything he had ever wanted.

“I want… I want to know you as you really are, in whatever form you wish that to be.” Thor reached out as Loki returned to familiar form, and then he cupped the back of Loki’s neck. “I want you by my side, always - in peace, in celebration, in battle. I want to understand more about your power; I want you to teach me everything you want me to know.” 

Loki frowned as he regarded Thor. “Still you wish to know?”

“I have not understood your power,” Thor said. “It is true that I once considered it womanly to practice, that you only worked spells because you lacked the fire to wield a more conventional weapon. But I understand now that you are as strong as I, only in a different way. But I would be lying if I were to tell you that it does not frighten me sometimes.”

That thing, that thought, that feeling that had been lurking deep in his mind and in his heart began to show itself. Deep in Thor’s heart, there had always been a feeling he could not understand, that he could not name for the fear and shame it would bring upon admitting it. But what shame was there to be had now that he knew that Loki was not his blood brother? He had not understood earlier why he would give up everything for Loki. But now he knew. Now he was ready to admit it. His love for Loki had grown and taken up his entire heart. Somewhere along the way, brotherly love had transformed into something more profound, into longing. 

He wrapped his arms around Loki, his hands gliding over leather and wool, wanting what lay beneath. “Show me, Loki. I know I cannot wield the power – I do not even want to. I just want to truly understand this about you. I want to love you the way you want me to.”

Loki closed his eyes. He could feel Thor’s breath upon his mouth and hear the Æsir’s heart beating in his chest. He could take what he wanted, especially now that Thor had played his hand and revealed his own desire. It was easy to give someone the little nudge they needed to pursue what they already desired. But that was not what he wanted. He wanted Thor to pursue him of his own accord.

“But how do you want to love me, Thor? I will not have what I want because it is offered out of guilt or a sense of duty. I will not have your love if it is a boon. I will not have you¬¬—”

Thor wrapped his hand around the base of Loki’s skull and leaned in. “Sssh…” he whispered as he nuzzled Loki’s mouth. “I give myself to you because I want to. I want you. I just wish I had understood my own heart much sooner.”

Loki’s desire, now that it could be expressed, was feral. He backed Thor up against the wall, assaulting the Thunder God’s mouth with his own.

“Be sure, Thor,” Loki murmured against Thor’s lips as his hand slid between the Æsir’s legs. Thor groaned and dug his fingers into Loki’s back. “For if your heart changes, if you break mine, nothing will stop me from tearing the world to pieces. I truly will go mad and I will not come back from it. You don’t know what lurks inside me. You have never wanted to believe, to see−”

“I will not change,” Thor murmured, wrapping his arms around Loki’s more slender frame, sliding one hand down to grasp Loki’s firm backside. “I can hold it back. I can keep that darkness at bay. I am strong enough, Loki. I am strong enough for both of us.” He nuzzled Loki’s mouth. “I love you. How many times shall I tell you and in how many ways?”

“How much imagination do you have?” Loki asked with a wicked smile.

Thor smiled in return. “More than you would have others believe.”

Loki laughed, and then his expression grew hungry. “Show me what you are made of.”

“Since you ask,” Thor said with a wicked grin, and pushed off the wall, pressing Loki into the thick rug that covered the floor.

Thor commenced upon a leisurely exploration of Loki’s body, strong hands merely hinting at what they were capable of, moving over the leather and wool and silk of Loki’s garments. Loki bit down into the meaty juncture between Thor’s neck and shoulder in impatience, and the Thunder God growled in response. “You have always been too polite,” Loki breathed more than said the last word as Thor palmed his erection.

Thor tugged at Loki’s tunic then tore it open, ripping the leather in two as Loki grunted at the force of the ripping garment. Thor assaulted the Trickster’s chest with his lips, tongue and teeth. “Oh, gods,” Loki breathed in response to Thor’s warm, wet mouth, and the rasp of beard against his sensitive flesh. 

Thor covered Loki’s long body with his own heavier form, closing his eyes as he tried to ground himself. Loki’s long, clever fingers teased their way underneath the waistband of his pants and he shivered at their touch. He grasped Loki’s face in his hands, propped up on his elbows as he slowly rolled his hips and pressed Loki into the floor.

“I should have known that you were not really my brother,” he said huskily. “How could you be when you drive me to this?” He caressed Loki’s cheek with the back of his hand. “By the Gods you are beautiful.”

Loki smiled in the way he knew Thor liked, knowing and slightly wicked. “You handle me as if I were a woman. Should I–”

Thor grasped Loki by the throat but he did not squeeze. “Don’t you dare change again,” he warned. “You are perfect like this.”

“Mmm, that’s a nice sentiment,” Loki said as he nipped at Thor’s bearded chin.

Thor leaned down and nuzzled Loki’s mouth. “It is the truth,” he murmured, then he slid his tongue in Loki’s mouth and his hand between Loki’s legs. 

Loki immediately bent his knees and spread his legs wide, and hooked his legs around Thor’s, thrusting into the Thunder God’s grip. “Is what I have heard about warrior foreplay true?” he teased as Thor released his mouth.

“Would you like it rough, Brother?” Thor asked as he laved a pebbled nipple against his tongue.

Loki’s heart quickened. In a rare moment of unguarded honesty, he said: “I do not know. It is what I deserve, I suppose.”

“Ai, my beautiful Trickster,” Thor said softly. “I will never hurt you. You command me in this, as in all things.”

Loki rolled over Thor and pushed him to his back as he draped himself over the warrior. “So good to find that you finally see the truth of the matter,” he said with a smile. “And by the way, I have had a lover before.”

“What?” Thor asked.

Loki rolled his eyes. “That is so like you, Thor. Believe it or not, there are those in the world who prefer someone who looks like me over your type with all of your muscles and blonde hair and–”

“You noticed my muscles then?” Thor teased.

“They are rather hard to miss,” Loki said, fingertips following the contours of Thor’s chest through his thin shirt. 

Thor smiled, and then groaned when Loki rolled his hips. “What will you have of me, Loki?”

Loki leaned down and whispered into Thor’s ear: “Everything.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some gender switching in this chapter, some of it in the middle of coitus - just in case that might freak you out.

Thor rolled in his sleep reaching out to gather Loki to him. He frowned at the unfamiliar shape in his arms and his eyes snapped open. “Loki?”

 

“Do you like it?” the deep, silky voice purred. “I seem to recall this being your type.”

 

Loki had transformed himself into a woman. He had a slender, strong body with moderate curves and smallish breasts. He still had his own blue eyes, but his head was crowned with rich, shiny auburn hair that hung past his waist. He arched his back, and Thor closed his eyes as the silky skin of Loki’s female hip nudged his groin.

 

“I like you better as you are.”

 

“I am more than one thing, Thor.”

 

“Then I shall have you as you were.”

 

“Am I not pretty enough? Or perhaps I am too pretty. Maybe you prefer someone less like Jane and more like Sif.”

 

“What I prefer is your natural form. I like you as you really are.”

 

“I can take many forms, they all feel natural to me, Thor. But, perhaps you mean this.” he changed back into his familiar shape.

 

“Why did you do that?”

 

“Interesting that you ask me why and not how.”

 

“I would know both, Loki. There is so much about you that I want to understand.”

 

“You are to be king, Thor. You must take a wife who can provide an heir. No one need know the truth. I can be your Queen; I can give you sons and daughters. Is it not a good solution?”

 

Thor frowned. “How can you provide me with children? You will only be feigning a woman’s appearance.”

 

Loki laughed. “Sometimes you are so thick. When I change, I change. If I choose to be a woman I can be such, in total. The same is true when I transformed into the wolf, and the eagle, and the serpent. I can give life as well as take it. Did you never wonder what happened to the mare that birthed Sleipnir?”

 

“Stop!” Thor clamped his hand over Loki’s mouth and felt Loki smile beneath it.  “I do not want to know any more.” That was an image he could definitely live without. He sat up in the bed and scrubbed his face. “I struggle to keep up with you, Loki.”

 

Loki stretched his long limbs in a cat-like motion. “This is not news. The pregnancy was miserable, by the way. The constant kicking – with eight legs, no less. I thought—”

 

Thor rolled atop Loki and silenced him with a long, slow, lazy kiss. “This is how I want you,” he said softly as he released Loki’s mouth. He nuzzled the smooth skin beneath Loki’s jaw as his hand travelled down the flat plane of the Trickster’s stomach, finding Loki’s length awakening to his touch. “I prefer your masculine form. I love your black hair, your pale skin, your musculature, your strength.” He palmed Loki’s rising length. “Your manhood.” He smiled as Loki’s eyes fluttered closed, and the Trickster uttered a deep sigh. He enjoyed the effects his ministrations had upon Loki. “I shall have you no other way.”

 

“In bed, perhaps,” Loki breathed, “when we are alone, but I cannot sit at your side as I am, Thor. I am dead to the world and it is best I stay that way, for both of us. Need I remind you what would happen if the truth were to come out, that you participated in the lie that we together have perpetrated these years?”

 

“I know,” Thor said quietly as he paused his ministrations. He smoothed Loki’s hair back from his face. “I know. Civil war . . . or worse.”

 

“So I shall be your Queen, and if you are wise, you will listen to me as the Allfather listened to our mother. You will have your dream – we will rule Asgard and the Nine Realms together, you get to bed me every night if you wish, and I will take whatever form you desire.”

 

“You think I have dreamt of bedding you every night?”

 

Loki frowned and smiled at the same time. “Of course you have. You are not nearly as mysterious as you think you are. And I am quite irresistible.”

 

Thor chuckled. “Yes, you are.” He slid down and laid his head upon Loki’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “But mostly, this is what I have longed for – just to feel you alive.”

 

Loki passed his hand over Thor’s unruly mane and it transformed, strands unknotting, the strip of leather that held it back coming undone. Then he ran his fingers through it, gently scratching at the Thunder God’s scalp. The deep, rumbling sound of appreciation that came from Thor caused him to smile. In truth, this was what he wanted as well. All the rest of it was a very pleasant bonus.

 

“I never knew you had such a soft side, Thor,” Loki said. “You are a study in opposites – strong, brash, violent, and yet you can be so gentle.”

 

Thor smiled against Loki’s chest. “I am not nearly as bad as you have believed. I can be gentle, like you.”

 

Loki frowned. “When have you known me to be gentle? Am I not a cruel Trickster?”

 

“It is what you pretend to be, but I remember you before you did cruel things. Do you remember when I fell off of Svađilfari and you stayed with me as I recovered?”

 

Loki snorted. “If you had listened to me, you never would have tried such a foolish thing to begin with. He was never going to abide your brash arrogance. The stallion was as good as wild, Thor.”

 

Thor chuckled. “Aye. He did not abide me, but he obeyed you.”

 

“He did not obey, he listened, and it was good that he did, otherwise we would have been stranded in the woods. It was generous of him to carry us back after your assault.”

 

“I did not assault him. I merely jumped upon his back from a tree limb.”

 

“One moment, he was minding his own business, grazing upon tender flowers, and the next a loud obnoxious boy is landing upon his back from the air. You are lucky he only threw you off. He could have trampled you; he could have ground your skull into dust.”

 

“You stopped him.”

 

“We’re both lucky he listened to me.”

 

“He always did listen to you.”

 

“Yes, he did,” Loki said with a wicked grin.

 

“Stop. I need not know the details.”

 

Loki chuckled. “You spent a full fortnight in your chambers healing because you did not listen to me.”

 

“If only you could have healed me then as you did that night I came to you and touched your native form.”

 

Loki twirled a lock of Thor’s hair around his finger. “If I had known I could…”

 

“What?”

 

“I started to say that I would have healed you, but in truth, I am not sure I would have. During that time, you were mine alone. I would have taken away your pain, but…”

 

Thor kissed Loki’s chest. “We were young,” Thor said.

 

“Very young,” Loki agreed. “Odin did not approve of finding me sleeping curled around you every morning. He thought it would make you weak. As if loving someone, being loved, causes weakness,” he huffed.

 

Thor slid his hands under Loki’s shoulders. “All the things you have done, good and bad, have made me stronger, Loki.”

 

Loki closed his eyes. “That is most generous of you to say, Thor.”

 

“Was it all a test?” Thor asked. The question had always nagged at him. “I feel I failed more often than not.”

 

“Not all of it,” Loki admitted. “When I dropped you from that flying fortress, I did not know if you would survive it.” Thor grew still in his arms. Loki sighed. “It is easy, Thor, to paint the past with a forgiving brush. It is easy to cast a pretty light on everything that has come before, but I have done . . . unforgivable things.”

 

“If I had not survived?”

 

“I do not know,” Loki said. He sighed. “That’s a lie. I do know. I would have grieved you, every day, for the rest of my miserable life, even when I pretended not to care. I was…”

 

Thor lifted his head and looked at Loki. “What?”

 

Loki shook his head. “It does not matter.”

 

“It does matter, Loki. What happened to you, before you went to Midgard?”

 

“I do not want to talk about it.”

 

“They hurt you, the Chitauri. What did they do to you?”

 

“Do not paint me as a victim, Thor. I refuse to be such to anyone ever again.”

 

“You were not yourself when I found you on Midgard. I thought it might be the sceptre, that the Chitauri had some sort of control over you.”

 

Loki huffed. “That race of lemmings could not control me if…” He smiled sadly and tucked a lock of Thor’s hair behind his ear. “You would like to believe that everything I did on Midgard was because I was controlled, enslaved in some way.”

 

“Weren’t you? Is that not what the sceptre does?”

 

“It is what _I_ used it for, yes.” He caressed Thor’s face with the back of his hand. “It did not control me. I controlled it. You wish to believe otherwise because you are good and you want me to be good too.”

 

Thor smiled. “I am not all good. None of us are. We are all made up of parts good and bad, gentle and cruel. There is goodness in you, Loki. I’ve seen you demonstrate it time and again.”

 

Loki smiled a little. “Just not as many times as you would like.”

 

Thor propped his chin on Loki’s chest. “Not yet.”

 

“You would change me, if you could.”

 

Thor frowned for a moment, then answered. “I would be a liar if I were to say that I do not wish you were always as noble as I know you can be. But I also know that if I am to say I love you, I must love you as you are, as you have been, and as you may yet be. I do love you, Loki. Even when I want to throttle you.”

 

Loki knew that Thor needed to believe in him, and he feared that need would drive Thor to debase and betray himself in ways that he could not bear to watch. In the past, when he had fought Thor, he sought to defeat him in fair terms, not by enslaving him, not by making him weak. He could not bear to see Thor weak and beaten down. It was why he nearly sacrificed himself to save Thor on Svartalfheim. He was the only one who could ever be allowed to harm Thor. Thor was his alone.

 

The truth had settled into his bones slowly, in small ways and had been doing so over the years since Thor brought him back to Asgard. So much of him was still so angry. There was still so much rage in his heart, so much pain, so much longing. Thor now laid in his arms, willing to do anything he asked – well, almost anything – willing to give himself up completely. Loki owed him the truth, but he had to be careful how he paid that debt.

 

“The Chitauri did not control me. It was the Other.”

 

“How?” Thor swallowed.

 

“The mind stone, it opened a channel of telepathic communication – a portal, of sorts. I could be on Midgard and with him at the same time. To be clear, I made my own decisions, up to a point. I allied myself with the Other and his warriors. He gave me the sceptre, he promised me kingship of Midgard if I would deliver the Tesseract to Thanos. I had no intentions of following through with that, of course. The Tesseract can never be in the hands of those who would…” He shook his head. “Once I saw what I had done . . . I knew what I was doing, Thor. I knew when I allied with them that people would die. I just did not know… He sent so many. If you had not succeeded . . . there would not have been anything left for me to rule.”

 

“What does Thanos want with the Tesseract?”

 

“I am not sure.”

 

“And you did not deliver it.”

 

“I had no intentions of giving it to him even if I had succeeded in keeping it. I do not relish death.”

 

Thor rose and propped himself up. “By failing to give them what they want, you have forfeited…”

 

“My life – more importantly, my power. If he finds me, he will take me, he use me to bring the end and then he will drain me of it along with my life, he will make me suffer in ways not even I can imagine, and he will deliver Asgard to Death as a dowry.”

 

“Ragnarok,” Thor whispered. “That was why you were so desperate.”

 

“You know the prophesy,” Loki said. “Do you think I am anxious to bring about the end of all of us? If anything, I think I’ve proven that survival is something I am in favor of.”

 

Thor frowned. “Why is your power more important than your life?”

 

Loki swallowed. “You have seen only a fraction of what I can do, Thor. Even I do not know fully what I am capable of. I do not know how I came to possess this, why it chose me as a…” Loki sighed. “It is difficult to explain. I am a . . . conduit, I think, for boundless energy. This energy can create and protect, but it could also just as easily destroy. For it to end up in the hands of one who loves Death, who courts destruction… I fear there will be not a corner of the universe left untouched. Midgard, Asgard, they are not enough for him, Thor. He wants utter devastation. He would not leave a spark of life, anywhere.”

 

Loki propped himself up on his elbows. “Do you understand now? I had made a deal with a monster because I thought it would give me what I wanted. By the time I realized that the cost was too great, it was too late to refuse.” He sighed and offered a little smile and placed his hand on the back of Thor’s neck, drawing their foreheads together. “Enough talk of monsters and misdeeds…” he lay back and wrapped a leg around Thor’s hip, “…I would prefer that you finish what you started.” He slid his foot between the apex of Thor’s thighs and rolled his own hips forward, pressing their bodies together.

 

Thor leaned over Loki, propped upon his elbows, his brow knitted in a frown as he looked at the Trickster. He wanted to promise his brother that he would protect him and that he would keep him safe, but he was not sure he could. He smoothed Loki’s raven hair from his face. “I shall finish you, Loki,” he murmured, and then he pressed a bruising kiss to Loki’s mouth.

 

Loki moaned into the kiss and thrust his hips up harder to meet Thor’s downward press. He gripped the back of the warrior’s neck, digging his fingers in as he arched upward, feeling the hot slide of Thor’s now turgid length between his legs. He rolled them over, straddling Thor and offering teasing rolls of his hips. Thor’s strong hands were on his thighs, and he reached behind to take him in hand and guide him inside.

 

“You are not prepared,” Thor rasped, barely able to keep himself from bucking up and pressing roughly into Loki.

 

“I can shape shift, you idiot,” Loki said, taking Thor inside him. “Do you think I cannot manage this?” he asked in a strained voice. A long moan escaped him as his head fell back.

 

Loki heard the sound of footsteps and the door being unlatched, and he transformed mere seconds before the door opened.

 

As Sif and the Warriors Three barreled into the room with the intent of rousing their friend from his late sleep, they froze. Fandral broke into a roguish grin; Volstagg knew not where to look; Hogun merely cast his gaze to the floor; and Sif stared slack jawed at the raven-haired woman who moved atop Thor.

 

Loki didn’t stop moving, undulating his now rounder hips, his now long, wavy coal-black hair brushing his buttocks as he rode Thor. Thor froze as Loki transformed atop him, his hard length encased in a woman’s hot and wet body rather than Loki’s particular heat. Though he was female, he was still himself. Different, yet the same. Thor could see it in Loki’s face, in his eyes. The wicked smile that curved Loki’s lips didn’t escape him as the Trickster turned his head and met Sif’s horrified gaze with his false face.

 

“Should I stop, my lord?” his female voice purred. “Or do you wish an audience?” He closed his eyes as he found what he was looking for, and his mouth fell open slightly as his female voice choked off a groan.

 

Sif was finally struck out of her stupor. “Forgive us, my lord,” she said, bowing her head and averting her eyes.

 

“We’ll . . . we’ll just come back later,” Volstagg said, as he dragged an enrapt Fandral out the door. Following close behind, Hogun placed his hand upon Sif’s back and escorted her out as well.

 

“Loki–” Thor whispered.

 

Loki transformed back to his familiar form as soon as the doors were closed.

 

“Shut up,” Loki growled as he continued to move. He leaned backward, bracing himself with his hands. “It’s not enough,” he groaned.

 

Thor briefly unseated Loki, and then climbed atop him, grasping his long legs in his arms. He pushed back inside and Loki moaned like a wanton.

 

“Yes,” Loki moaned. “Oh Gods, yes. That’s it.”

 

Thor set a punishing pace, holding Loki in place as he thrust inside him, his head pressed to the juncture of Loki’s neck and shoulder. Loki moaned and cursed, Thor’s hot breath upon his neck, the Thunder God’s weight pressing him down and slamming into him. This was the Thor he’d always known; this was the Thor he loved. His hard length was trapped inside the delicious hot friction of their heated, sweaty bodies. He felt his release tear through him as if it split the very nature of his being and he choked off a shout, gritting his teeth as it rolled through him like fire.

 

Thor growled as he came, his face buried in the crook of Loki’s neck. Loki gasped as he was filled with the Æsir’s seed.

 

“By the Gods, I love you so,” Thor murmured in a rough voice.

 

Loki was trembling, his shaking hands made their way into Thor’s hair and he kissed him deep, his eyes stung with unshed tears as he finally said it out loud: “I love you more than anyone or anything,” he whispered. “I would raze the world and tear the universe to pieces if it would make you happy.”

 

Thor looked back, his eyes sparkling with happiness as he smiled. “I’ll settle for a lot more of this,” he said with a smile.

 

Loki, surprised at his own feeling of contentment uttered a shaky laugh. “You are easy to please.”

 

Thor chuckled and he slowly slipped from Loki’s body. Not caring about the mess, he laid his head on Loki’s chest and uttered a contented sigh. Loki drew idle patterns in the sweat that was drying on Thor’s cooling skin.

 

“That was quite good,” Loki mused with a playful grin.

 

Thor answered with a deep rumbling chuckle. “I’m glad you approve.” He slowly roused himself and looked down at Loki. “By the heavens you are beautiful when wrecked.”

 

“Mmm, you think so?” Loki murmured appreciatively, gazing through heavy-lidded eyes at Thor. He had to admit, he did kind of love this Thor too.

 

“Yes,” Thor answered softly, brushing Loki’s hair from his damp forehead. “May we talk about what happened earlier?”

 

“Must we, Thor?” Loki sighed, his eyelids sliding closed. “I am done in.”

 

“Perhaps you could provide a little warning next time. It is quite disconcerting to have you change like that right in the middle of…”

 

“The alternative was for your friends to find you and your supposedly dead brother . . . what is it that your human friends say? In flagrante delicto?”

 

“I know no one that says that,” Thor answered with a frown.

 

Loki huffed and waved him off. “I need to sleep. You have no idea the energy it takes to maintain multiple illusions, particularly while experiencing what you just did to me. I am exhausted.” He really wasn’t that tired, but the unexpected feelings were leaving him feeling the need to retreat and process what he was experiencing.

 

“How many illusions?”

 

Loki peeked at him with one eye. “Hmm… Three? Four? The Allfather is hearing a trade proposal as we speak, and Heimdall thinks you’re cuddling a certain dark-haired female, and . . . oh, yes, I’m supposed to be dead.”

 

“Loki, is this not risky? What if you were to lose focus? What if The Allfather disappeared, or if Heimdall saw…”

 

“Lucky for you I have extensive powers of concentration.” He patted Thor’s cheek. “It is fine. The ambassador from Alfheim is gone and the Allfather has excused himself and gone to his chambers. Now, may I sleep?”

 

“Very well,” Thor said, pressing his mouth to Loki’s kiss-swollen lips and making a  thorough perusal of his warm, wet mouth, and then he watched his brother dematerialize before his eyes – the last image was Loki winking at him. Lying alone in his wrecked bed, he found he missed Loki already.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Loki stood in the form of Odin, watching his warriors on the training field. To the world, he was the Allfather, appraising his army with a calm and critical eye. Inside, he was chaos. For so long he had hidden his emotions, only allowing those that served his greater purpose to be seen. It was true that a few had slipped out over the years – rage being the most common. He had to admit that he always had trouble controlling that one.

 

But now, he had told Thor how he really felt. He told Thor that he loved him. It was the one thing he had always been afraid to admit, for fear that Thor would either reject it outright, or worse, that his brother would see it as an opportunity to mold him into the person Thor had always thought he was. That would be an unbearable rejection and Loki had been truthful when he told Thor that a broken heart was the one thing that would send him over the edge and into a dark abyss of rage and self loathing that there would be no coming back from. He doubted Thor understood the repercussions of that, because Thor always stubbornly refused to see that side of Loki, but it was there, ever present, stalking from the shadows.

 

He had always doubted he would ever be good enough to be deserving of Thor’s admiration and respect. For Thor, love was an easy thing to give. He was free with it. But respect and admiration, those were things that Thor reserved for only a few and Loki had never in his life seen them from Thor. Thor loved him even when he brought war and destruction to Midgard, when he allowed Laufey in his father’s bed chamber to kill him – it was true that was part of a greater plan, but things could have gone wrong, his mother could have been killed – even when he killed one of Thor’s human friends and enslaved two others. Thor loved him through all that, but Thor also tried to change him, appealed to the goodness he saw in Loki. A truth he stubbornly refused to admit was that his own actions made it impossible for Thor to respect him. How could he, after all Loki had done?

 

He heard his brother approach; Thor’s footsteps surprisingly quiet despite his size and bulk. Thor’s shoulder gently touched his – it was Thor’s way of being sure that this vision of Odin was Loki transformed and not an illusion. Since no other deigned to touch the Allfather on pain of death, Loki was secure in the fact that the illusion would never be discovered.

 

“All is well?” Thor asked.

 

“Our soldiers are in fine form,” Loki answered, the timbre of his voice low and rough, like Odin’s had been.

 

Thor nodded. “I will ask for your permission to wed,” he whispered, sure that no other could hear him, “tonight, at the feast. I . . . I would like her to be there.”

 

Loki turned his head slightly, casting a sidelong glance at Thor. “Very well. I shall send for you later, to discuss.” He turned and walked away, leaving Thor behind, overlooking the training grounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Thor entered Loki’s old chambers to find his brother in his familiar form packing his things in crates. “What are you doing?” he asked, his heart unexpectedly clenching at the site.

 

“Loki is dead, it is time to put away the past.”

 

Thor reached out to stop him but pulled his hand back. “Must it be so?”

 

Loki looked at Thor. “Yes. You know this is for the best, Thor.” He shook his head. “How do you expect to lead and make the hard decisions when you are still ruled by your sentimental heart? Kings are not poets, Thor. Isn’t that what you once told me? Kings must have an iron will and a . . . cold and logical disposition. How could they send their warriors to battle, leaving wives and children behind, if they are ruled by their hearts and not their minds?”

 

“I was wrong, Loki. I was a stupid boy who did not understand. Kings must have strong hearts as well as calculating minds and iron wills. To rule is to love your people enough to make the difficult decisions that will preserve them. Every warrior who takes up arms in the name of Asgard willingly offers up their life to save all of the women and children at home. It is why they fight.”

 

Loki placed a phial in the crate and looked down at things that once meant something to him, that were a part of who he used to be. He wasn’t willing to die to save Asgard, but he would die to save Thor.

 

“She’s a sorceress, and her name is Valdís,” Loki said, changing the subject. “So you know who you will be marrying. She is powerful, she is beautiful, she is…”

 

Thor stepped up beside Loki and placed his hand on his brother’s back. “What?”

 

“She is going to be better than I am and . . . she is . . . she is in love with you.”

 

Thor pulled Loki into his arms. “She is beautiful and powerful and she is _you_. If you mean that you wish to be a better version of yourself, then I will do anything I can to help you with that, and I will try to be a better version of myself so that I deserve you. But I will not have her if she is not _you_ , Loki. She has to be you or I will not be able to love her the way she should be loved.”

 

Loki gripped Thor’s back and buried his face in Thor’s hair. “You know what that means,” he said.

 

“That she is going to be a trouble maker?” Thor asked with a small smile.

 

Loki laughed softly and blinked away tears that threatened to fall. “Yes, of course,” he said and then he nuzzled Thor’s ear. “Perhaps this can be our son’s room, someday.”

 

Thor held Loki closer. “Perhaps, or our daughter’s. Maybe it is time that Asgard was ruled by a queen instead of a king.”

 

Loki smiled and felt the warmth of Thor’s love seep through his skin into his bones. He drew back and stroked Thor’s beard. “Maybe,” he agreed. “Now help me with this or I shall be here all night.” He pulled away and resumed his work.

 

“Only if you promise that we save it, for our child. I want them to know everything about their Uncle Loki.”

 

Loki looked up at Thor in surprise. “Even though I am the most hated being in the Nine Realms?”

 

“If that is true, then the Nine Realms are populated by idiots.”

 

Loki laughed and shook his head. “You are starting to sound like me, Thor.”

 

Thor smiled broadly. “Better late than never.” He picked a crate and set to work beside Loki.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Loki appeared as the raven haired female Valdís more frequently in public. When Thor questioned why, Loki said that those who came to court needed to be used to seeing her around Thor; she was to eventually be his wife, after all. When Fandral tried to flirt with her, it took all of Loki’s self restraint not to curse him with warts on his face or terminal body odor. Once Fandral realized that Valdís was to be wed to Thor, his behavior was more appropriate. The more Sif saw Thor and Valdís together, the more distant she became, which really pleased Loki if he were to be honest.

 

Loki knew Sif was jealous; in fact that was exactly what he was aiming for. Loki still harbored ill will toward Sif, and though he would not harm her, he could still enjoy causing her distress. He made sure that Sif was looking when he would caress the Thunder God’s arm, her long fingers entwining in his strong hand, or in more emboldened moments, caressing his taut backside. He made sure Sif was looking when Valdís kissed Thor and ignited his passion during feast nights, and when Sif discovered that Valdís was a sorceress, it stoked her suspicion and jealousy. In one of his multitude of inconspicuous forms, Loki overheard her telling those close to her that she believed Thor to be bewitched. It was all working beautifully. Sif had caused Loki more pain than any of Thor’s other friends, for it was she who first took Thor away from him. As far as he was concerned, this was payback.

 

Thor set Mjolnir down upon a table near his bed as Valdís removed his armor. It sat ill with him that he could not tell others the truth about Loki’s existence, but he had come to accept the reality of their situation. When Thor asked his father for permission, Odin agreed, of course, and the Allfather would preside over their union.

 

As Valdís removed Thor’s breast plate and hung it upon the stand where it was kept when not in use, she turned to see the dour look upon Thor’s face.

 

“What troubles my handsome lord?” she asked.

 

“You know what troubles me,” Thor answered. “We are alone. Why persist in taking that shape when none are here to see?”

 

“You must grow to love this shape so that when all the eyes of Asgard are upon us, they will see that you love your Queen.”

 

“I miss your face, Loki,” he said as he sat upon the bed.

 

Valdís knelt in front of him, taking his strong hands in her more delicate ones. “I am still Loki, Thor. My shape is not who I am.”

 

“I know,” he said, looking at her slender hands in his own larger ones. “You are . . . beautiful, Lo…” he closed his eyes and spoke again, “Valdís. It is just…” he reached out and touched her face. “I know your other face. It is a face that I have loved all my life.”

 

“Do you love the face, or do you love me?” Loki asked. He had never been open with anyone about his abilities. Thor’s enduring difficulty with the change concerned him, and it raised new doubts about Thor’s love.

 

“You, of course,” Thor said, drawing Valdís up to straddle his lap. “I love you,” he said softly as he cupped her face, seeing Loki in her eyes.

 

“Prove it,” she said with a mischievous grin.

 

A slow smile curved Thor’s lips as her long fingers stroked his beard. Loki didn’t anticipate what Thor did next, which was rare. He usually felt like he could read Thor as if he were a book.

 

Valdís made a high-pitched squeak and laughed as Thor flipped her over. She landed on her back in the middle of the furs piled on his bed, and the Thunder God leaned over her, one strong hand sliding up her long thigh as he nuzzled her mouth.

 

“You do remember how to make love to a woman, do you not?” she teased.

 

Thor smiled. “Oh, I think it will come back to me.” He began kissing her neck, slipping her gown off one shoulder as she ran her hands over his bare back.

 

“If you’re really good, I’ll change for a second round,” Valdís purred.

 

Thor chuckled. “You will be the death of me.”

 

The warm smile faded from Valdís’s face. That was exactly what Loki was afraid of.

 

“What is it, my love?” Thor asked caressing Valdís’s face with the back of his hand.

 

“I know I appear demure,” Valdís said in a low voice, “but I am still Loki.” She grabbed the back of his neck and pressed a bruising kiss to his mouth. Thor groaned and felt his desire stir inside his trousers. Valdís tugged at the ties to Thor’s trousers. “Get me with child,” she said.

 

“We are not yet married,” Thor protested.

 

“We will be soon enough.”

 

Thor propped himself up on one elbow and caught Valdís’s wrist as she reached inside his trousers. “So… it must be done the natural way?”

 

Valdís frowned. “What are you talking about?”

 

“The child.”

 

Valdís rolled her eyes and in that instant Thor saw Loki in her face as plain as day. “Of course, unless you intend for your heir to be an illusion also.” She sighed. “I cannot create life from thin air, Thor. You have to participate.” She frowned. “Have you changed your mind?”

 

“No! No… I…” he pressed his forehead against Valdís’s. “What happens once you are with child?”

 

“The same thing that happens to every female. I will carry the child until it is ready to be born, and then birth it. Then you and I will be parents.” Valdís cocked her head. “Do I really have to explain to you where babies come from?”

 

“Of course not,” Thor groused. “I just… can’t I have you, the you I know, once more first? I feel as if I will never see Loki again.”

 

Valdís shoved at Thor and he rolled to his side. “You are so obtuse,” she complained.

 

Thor watched as Valdís transformed into Loki. “Is this better? Is this what you love? Because if this is what you love, then you do not really love me.” He got off the bed and changed again, this time into his natural form. “Because this is Loki, Thor. I am Jötunn.”

 

Thor flopped to his back. “I do not know how to explain this to you.” He sighed. “I love you no matter what form you take. But am I not allowed a preference? Can I not say which form is the most pleasing to my eye?”

 

Loki slowly transformed back to his familiar shape. “Do you not like my female form?”

 

“Of course, I do!” Thor exclaimed, sitting up and looking at Loki. “You are a breathtaking woman, just as you are breathtaking now.” He took to his feet and pulled Loki into his arms and grasped the back of his neck in a familiar gesture. “But this face…” he kissed Loki softly. “This mysterious, dangerous, handsome face is the one I love best. I can love you in all your forms and still prefer one, can I not?”

 

Loki closed his eyes. “I suppose so,” he agreed, reluctantly.

 

“Once you are with child, you will have to remain female until birthing, yes?”

 

“Yes, and I will still need to take female form even when we are alone so that I can feed the child.” He swallowed. This was going to be harder than he thought. “It will be safer for me to remain female until our child…” The thought gave Loki pause. _Their child, his and Thor’s._ “…our child is older and able to keep a secret. If the truth were to come out, even by accident…”

 

Thor nodded. “I understand. You will be able to choose the time of conception, yes?”

 

Loki wrapped his arms around Thor and held him close. “Yes.”

 

“Then I would like to spend one night with you in this form before that happens.”

 

Loki nodded in understanding and agreed. Secretly, he was afraid that Thor would grow to love his female form more than his familiar, or the opposite – that he would never grow to love his female form. Loki was afraid that Thor’s love was bound to the physical, and that he would never be able to adjust. “There will be private moments, after the child is born, when I can come to you like this.”

 

Thor smiled. “Thank you, Loki.”

 

He allowed Thor to remove his garments and walk him backward toward the bed as he kissed Thor breathless.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Valdís and Thor were wed before all of Asgard. Their people loved the future queen and Loki was once again reminded of how superficial and gullible people could be. They would love her without knowing her. He imagined one day transforming into Loki, after Valdís had proven to be a good and wise queen, just to see the shocked look on their faces, but he knew that could never be.

 

Loki could hear the revels of the people through the open window of Thor’s bedchamber. He could feel the light of the moon and stars falling upon him, infusing his being with their ancient glow. Thor belonged to the bright light of day; but he had always belonged to the night.

 

The Thunder God stepped up behind him, his strong, callused hand caressing the soft skin of his slender female arm. Loki made an aurora in the sky of red and green and he felt Thor smile against his cheek.

 

“It’s beautiful,” Thor said, gazing up at the dancing lights in the sky.

 

Loki leaned back against Thor. “It’s your wedding present,” he said quietly.

 

He could feel the heat of Thor’s body seep through his thin gown and the gentle scratch of his husband’s beard against his female neck as Thor kissed him there. He tilted his head back, and Thor pulled his heavy, long black hair to the side, kissing the nape of his neck as one strong arm encircled his waist, the hand sliding slowly down over thin satin, coming to a stop between his legs where it clasped him tight.

 

Valdís moaned and arched her back against her husband, her hands coming to rest on the back of Thor’s neck. She could feel his heavy, hard length pressing against her buttocks as the fingers of his hand slowly kneaded between her legs. Thor slipped her gown from her shoulders and her chest was bared to the warm summer evening air and the cool light from the sky above.

 

“Give me a child,” she said, turning in his arms before kissing him deep.

 

Thor lifted her and she wrapped her long legs around his waist. “I love you, Loki,” he murmured against her mouth.

 

She smiled, a single tear tracing her cheek as she answered, “I love you, Thor.”

 

He set Valdís down and slid her gown off; it pooled at her feet as he slipped his trousers off his hips. He laid his wife, his beloved Loki, down on the bed, and made love to her as their people drank to their new future queen in the streets below.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Valdís stood beside her husband, one hand clasped in his, the other resting on her heavy belly as the people of Asgard sang a song of mourning for the Allfather. Thor was stoic, as he should be, as his people said farewell to Odin, not knowing he had been gone for many years already. The image of the Allfather in final repose lit and burned bright, as bright as when Loki had burned him years before, the image of his spirit rising in the sky to once again be joined with his beloved Frigga.

 

Loki wondered if this was what it had been like when they set Frigga alight, if the songs had been as sad, the bright fire of her soul as beautiful as Odin’s had been when it rose. The Allfather was finally gone and Thor was king, and Valdís was heavy with child, a boy, just as they had hoped.

 

Thor closed his eyes, glad that this chapter of their lives was closed. The weight of the throne was heavy, but bearable with Loki’s help. He grew to love the form of Valdís as much as he loved that of Loki, and he found he desired her just as much, but he still looked forward to the day that he would once again see Loki’s face and hold the form he had loved as brother all of his life.

 

He cupped his queen’s jaw, tilting it up and pressing his forehead against hers. He placed his hand on the back of her neck in an old familiar gesture, then he kissed her soft lips and took her hand as he led her back to the palace and their people sang a dirge.

 

The future was unknown. The threat of war and destruction still loomed, but for now the Nine Realms were peaceful.

 

~Finis


End file.
